When we were getting started in opening our marriage, It was a lot to figure out hotwife vs stag/vixen and all the other configurations a relationship can have. But through many conversations we identified that as both of us were bi- we wanted to focus on playing together/3somes first before I launched into solo hot wife territory.

The dream had been to find a FWB that we all had fun and could then engage on my own with the other man when timing was right. Now I know that’s a tall order, and hard to find someone who is attracted to both of us and we are both to them. Trust I get that it’s difficult and that’s why people use terms like “unicorns”. We do use predominantly gay/bi/queer sites because we figured it was easier to start with a man who is interested in other men first.

I guess I just assumed that it would be easier to find someone willing to follow through on their big talk. Newbies often get told that it’s a lot of “Fakes, Flakes, and cheaters” and so far that advice is not wrong. Hot and heavy to ghosting in a minute, last minute cancels and lots of men who say they are bi as long as another man doesn’t touch them (ps. That’s not bi). Guys that have messaged, disappeared and then reappeared to ask for another chance only to disappear again.

We are not perfect, nor are we looking for such. It’s just gotten so disappointing that I have to work myself up to even try again. Because if we aren’t having fun, what is even the point?

This board has helped educate us on so many things and I wanted to thank everyone who contributes from rants like this to advice on set ups, and especially to those sharing success stories. The happy stories are what keeps both of us hanging on to this dream, hoping that we get to find other people who actually want to have experiences with us.