Has anyone ever been put off balance from miscalculating your own and/or your wife’s interest in this lifestyle?

I [41M] have poked at my wife [40F] for years about getting a girlfriend. She’s always been bi-leaning/curious but without experience. This year we finally took a plunge. We started sharing controls for Bluetooth toys during our play, and then chatting with others while controlling theirs. Right away, she was HERE for it. We soon progressed into talking about a threesome. We joined FEELD, met a few couples with the intention of just exploring parallel play, same room no swap. We even visited an adult theater and put on a little show while taking in the views of others. All good times.

Then we met a couple and we got ahead of ourselves. First date we ended up at our house and went full swap. We were all a little drunk so judgement was not sound but nothing bad happened and none of us had any regrets. We still see them to this day. On our second date I was MUCH more sober and aware. We ended up at their house. At one point his wife was giving me oral, I looked over and caught the moment he penetrated my wife. His wife knew instantly I was done. She described it as watching my soul leave my body. I didn’t say anything, but I couldn’t perform. He finished on my wife’s stomach and I couldn’t get hard again. Not even when both women went to work on me. His wife kept asking me how to help pleasure me. It was awful, emasculating, crushing. The last thing I want in any of this is to be cuckolded, but that’s exactly what I felt like. I went to a dark place for weeks. I crawled my way out eventually and we had a threesome with just her. That went fantastic. I fucked them both for over an hour.

We hung out vanilla a few times and then we went away for a weekend together. We ended up doing a little same room play and in a gesture of attempting to give my wife more of what she wanted I suggested he fuck her while she sucked me. She’d previously told me that’s what she wanted so I took a leap. I surprised myself by doing just fine until he coated her back. We also did separate room same roof play which went fine.

All this to get us to present day. She’s very much into all of it and absolutely wants more. WAY more. Multiple men, DP, etc and I’m freaking out at the thought of it. I know full well if/when that happens I can’t be a part of it. I’m terrified of it, but I really do want my wife to experience everything she wants.

Husbands of hotwife land, HELP! Who here has faced similar issues how have you worked through them? Where are you now?