You regulars might recognize my post history from about a month ago, I made three posts that culminated with my wife having her first ever sexual experience with another man (an erotic massage, being eaten out, and giving a handjob) with me present and thoroughly enjoying it. The tl;dr is that she said afterward that she doesn't want to do it again, because she doesn't want it to progress to sex and potentially harm our relationship (I don't feel it would, but I respect her feelings).

About a week and a half ago (about 3 weeks after that night) I was awakened in the middle of the night by the very pleasurable sensation of being licked down below. As soon as she had me all the way hard she mounted me and rode me like the fate of the free world rested on making me cum as fast and hard as possible. I lasted maybe 5 very intense minutes. Then I rolled her over onto her back and fingered her to two orgasms, whereupon we both fell asleep pretty much instantly.

Naturally I asked her what that wonderful wild time was about (she doesn't usually initiate that strongly), but she just said "oh, I woke up needing it" and didn't seem to want to comment further. The following night she came clean, though: she'd woken up thinking very vividly about the night of massage and oral with the other guy, fingering herself, and decided to wake me up. She admitted she keeps thinking about it and maybe she might want to do something like that again, sometime soonish.

But a couple nights later, two nights ago, going to bed late at night she was in tears, and sobbed for a full minute or two before she dropped a thunderbolt: it turns out I'm not the only man she'd ever been with. She cheated on me, once, almost 10 years ago, January of 2015.

Naturally hearing her tell me this hit me like a cannonball to the gut. Maybe I was naive but I never suspected a thing. To be fair, it was a time when our kids were young and our marriage was at a very low point. By January of '15 our bedroom had been dead for months and we were glorified roommates. Retrospectively, it shouldn't be surprising that she gave into temptation in the circumstances. I wrote a summary of how she said it happened (writing things out is cathartic for me), but it's too long and off topic for this sub anyway. The short version: she was working at a hotel, snowed in overnight, co-worker, she was lonely and frustrated, he made a move, they had sex. She swears that was the only night before a month ago she had ever been with a man other than me.

Maybe she's still hiding things, but her story rings true to me. It does seem to explain a lot of what had me scratching my head about her simultaneously seeming interested in hotwifing and decisively not interested in hotwifing. It's been 10 years and she's still trying to process her guilt. I guess now I'm trying to process it (hers, but also mine), too.

She says it wasn't even particularly good sex, but also she admits she thinks about it regularly, and feels "like a slut" (her self-accusing words) for the fact it ever happened but also the fact she still sometimes gets turned on remembering it.

It also makes sense now why she's so interested in much younger guys--she was 33 at the time, he was 22.

Our marriage recovered and got MUCH better after that incident even though she never confessed it to me until a few days ago. The last 7 years or so have been absolutely awesome. I told her that I am still on board with her being with other guys, but obviously I do want to know about it/be involved. She said she does want it but can't help but feel like it's wrong.

I guess the question is, is this a red flag? Should I pump the brakes on this? But really just sharing what happened as I process it and curious if anyone has ever had a remotely similar experience.