Cross posting from r/HotwifeAdvice:

We're a 40s couple who have been exploring the swinger lifestyle for a couple of years. We love the people we have met, the open/sexy atmosphere, and the freedom that LS events/parties provide, but are not really players.

Recently (last couple of months), we've been talking more about hot wife type fantasies and starting to figure out how we might want to explore it. She is finding that there are some things that she likes and some things that she does not. For example, she loves dressing up, wearing sexy lingerie/clothes, dancing, flirting, etc, but does not want to progress the fantasy to sex. She is demisexual and really finds it hard to get turned on by online dating profiles/ one-night meets, and really wants/needs to get to know someone on a deeper level.

We have talked very openly, and the situation that we would like to explore is for her to meet a mature and refined gentleman, go on dates, be desired, and have the excitement of "dating" and wants to build it into something that is deeper. She is not open to having sex, but is open to building towards a connection and increasingly heavier flirting, touching, etc. This makes him a little nervous, but in a good way as this involves building emotions, connection, etc but he is on-board and encouraging. He is not looking to engage with anyone outside of the marriage.

Questions for this community:

Does anyone have experience with a situation like this? Are there men who would want to spend time with a sexy, bubbly, charismatic woman - dinner, dates, conversation, etc, but not have sex? What would be the best way to find men who might be into this (we are staring with a profile in Feeld)? Is this even the right sub for this (maybe this is more poly or some other form of ENM)?

A little about us: We have been together for 20 years, have an incredibly strong relationship and great communication. We are not trying to fix anything with this and we both find this scenario exciting. She is very good looking, often being mistaken for early 30's, former college level cheerleader, etc.