Yeah when you find someone who is a stellar playmate, who treats your spouse the way they deserve... when they are worthy of her - why let them go? Easier to get therapy to learn to process things than find another considerate, kind, compassionate, trustworthy playmate. If it's not broken don't fix it.

Ugggh... yeah, I'd like to think that if I'm play partners long term with someone that they'd have some sort of feelings for me. But I'm not talking about the "I love you and want to move in and merge financial assets and obligations." type love. I'm only taking on one live in partner. No thanks. And it's surprising how many people think that poly is a hippy commune fuck fest. There is a whole spectrum out there. That's why I stick with ENM... Love ya, but I ain't cosigning a loan for you. I'll fuck you great, but I'm not putting you on my insurance or naming you as a beneficiary. We can go on great adventures together and I'll be charming company. But at the end of the day, it's FWB/ENM not kitchen table poly for me.

FWB is not really poly in my book either. The idea of merging finances and creating multi-layered interdependence is not my thing. Fucking a best friend is definitely my thing.

I'm very much in the fwb/enm camp... not into the poly aspect. I love my hotwife like a friend and my wife like the only person on the earth. My point is also that most people are gonna catch feelings if they fuck long enough. Keeping things purely physical isn't always an option. Depends on how the person is wired.

My hotwife lives 90 minutes away now. We're not ending it, it actually works better with a little distance. I can't just pop over and neither can she.

Here's the thing, why do you feel catching feelings would be such a bad thing? I'm a shared husband. My wife is a cuckquean. The are lots of different types of love. I love my girlfriends. But I'm not "in love with them".

I only have one extra marital lover at a time. We date, because i need a connection and need to build comfort. But in this case, the girlfriend is also happily married. We are not running of with each other. She basically a best friend with exclusive benefits.

The problem is that people think that having feelings is bad. My wife was the one who kept me level during the first few months of new relationship energy. The infatuation stage dies down and then it's just confortable and calmer.

Nobody could replace my cuckquean. I'm madly deeply in love with her. She would be upset if i didn't love my girlfriend. The girlfriend is considerate, honest, a great communucator, fun, silly romantic at times, but most importantly respects our marriage and her own.

Finding a playmate that is a good person is hard these days. When i find a playmate, i generally stick with them long term. Sometimes they move or the husband needs to take a break. One was depressed and needed inpatient therapy so i happily stepped back and we are all still friends. But her focus needed to be in her husband and dealing with his mental health issues. Hospitalization not due to the cucking part, but due to a multitude of bad things converging.

I think if you find a considerate, sweet, loving third that respects your marriage and understands to not interfere with your martial bond - that's the gold standard. Bonus points if he is good friends with your husband. Why give that up?

I'd be more concerned if you didn't catch feelings for someone that gave you great sex and passion. I know my wife would not like it if didn't have feelings for the person after fucking for a while.

I know my gender is reversed here, but our roles in our respective dynamics are not. I was not a willing shared husband at first either... I'm only in this lifestyle because it makes my wife incredibly happy.

At the end of the day this is up to you. We prefer the many advantages of a regular exclusuve partner. But the are some who want variety or non-exclusivity. The are some that love it for the sport of it. If you are worried about catching feelings talk to your husband about it. Definitely talk to your lover too. They have hearts too, they break just like you break. Don't treat them as disposible, nobody likes to feel that way. Be honest with yourself and those in your life.

My wife is fond of stating, just because you love me doesn't mean that you can't love someone else. It doesn't take away from what we have. You having extra love in the side isn't making our love less of a thing.

I tell my cuckquean everything... so she is never concerned about our bond. Talk to your husband, he might just surprise you with how loving and understanding he can be.

One final note: if he's in rotation, he deserves to know that you are sleeping with other people too. Be needs to make a choice about the level of risk he's willing to accept for possible STIs. It's the ethical thing to do.