We've been married 31 years now and fantasizing about it for nearly as long. She's an anxious person to begin with, a worrier by nature, and while the fantasy it's immensely erotic for her (she literally soaks the bed when we role-play), she's way too scared to cross the line into reality. All she keeps saying is that in a perfect world, she would do it, but that there are way too many things to be concerned with. The list of fears is long. STDs chief among them, but also being discovered, self consciousness about her mom bod, emotional attachment, moral issues, etc. It also feels deviant to her. Outside of the norm. She literally has no idea and doesn't believe how widespread it actually is. She would be shocked to learn that seemingly vanilla, normal, educated, down to earth women just like her are doing it. It's not exactly something that would come up in conversation with the very people you know and nay be friends with that may be involved. She views it as an unnecessary risk, just not worth taking. She's not a risk-taker in general. I have resigned myself to the fact that it's just going to have to remain a fantasy for both of us, but I haven't given up hope that there may be some book, article, video, podcast, post, or people, that she resonates with and can relate to that can gently assuage her fears to at least give it a try. Maybe gradually, over time, with enough exposure to positive stories from people like herself she can relate to. Knowing her as well as I do, I have a very strong feeling that once she gets a taste of the real thing, there will be no going back. She just needs lots of reassurance it will probably be okay and that the benefits could outweighthe risks. Any links or resources that can help would be greatly appreciated!