I had the impression that she was innocent. She didn't have sex until 24 due to a deeply religious upbringing. I was kinky one between us. I had 3sums, I was in open relationships (I didn't want to pursue anything so it was more like hotwifing). I also have a little autism, and betrayal trauma from a 9 year relationship. I felt bad for my partner and almost opened it up for her to explore herself more. We were close to pursuing it but she didn't feel stable enough yet. We both masturbated over kinky dirty talk about 3ways over the phone (long distance relationship). She was extremely wet hearing about it. We exchanged photos as I led the story on. She says she's never really had fantasies, she's never thought about any kinky stuff because she was busy finding her person. She also only had orgasms 3 times. She also usually has sex dream with women only, rarely men. She was brought up through trauma and doesn't understand things. We tend to misunderstand each other a lot. Her definition of flirting was "playing with someone to get what she wants. Drinks, to get taken home, or attention." Mine was "Being playful in a way that is a little more than neutral." Anyway, I felt bad because I was under the impression that she was under oppressive religious stuff, and she was sexually frustrated from it. But it slowly came to light that she had more 25 partners, which blew me away. I'm not judging but it was just crazy that I've been with so little and so I felt embarrassed. She assured me that she was only looking for her life partner "me," so she was speed running things. I really don't mind her past, I think it's cute. But we want to get married and start a family. I asked her, "are you sure you can do monogamy and that my attention alone is enough? If we're doing some non-traditional dynamic that's fine but I'd rather know now so I can consider the play out with the family we want." She assures me that I'm enough and that we are so open and creative that if anything were to come up then we could work through it. I have the feeling that she knows something is going to pop up and she knows she's safe knowing my history and how much I would work to make something work. Especially a marriage. Anyway, she straight suggests that all she wants is to only work on us. She said she's never loved anyone like she does me. That it's what she's been looking for all along. But we've haven't known each other that long. She likes that I'm knowledgeable but I don't think she understands that it comes from much isolation and pain. She comes from a extroverted space. I feel like when it really dawns on her she will not see me with as much magic and get bored. She said she tends to get bored of things easily.

It's a beautiful notion but I don't think she's gonna dig monogamy long-term, which is okay. What's really tough is if she's leading me to think that we could legit do monogamy then always had the intention to open things up. That feels misleading. Anyway, she has had many partners, she loves attention/dresses really sexy, she has guys constantly hitting on her, she goes Latin dancing most week nights, she can have wishful thinking/romanticizing things tendencies and she can be impulsive. She's also hasn't been in a relationship longer than 2 years. I've been in a 9 year relationship and know that itch when the passion dries, i can muscle through it, but I'm not sure my partner can legit do it hahaha I don't look down on her for it. I just want a happy family and I know human nature can boil up and explode if repressed.

I think she's down to clown but too shy to express it. The thing is I don't want to bring it up if it's not a thing and just let go. But if we're gonna be wild then that's cool, I just gotta be ready so I'm not blindsided by my naivety believing we could be monogamous. I can definitely find peace in monogamy and a lover for life but that requires that I let go of this stuff and vice versa for the hotwifing haha My mind is tangled up, I just want to have my person come home to me and mutual respect. We're really good at communication but she kind of selectively unveils information. Which doesn't make me feel like the hotwife dynamic could work, unless she was just more straightforward about things. Any advice? Is the past the past? Or should I acknowledge these are realities that will slowly drift us into this lifestyle? My autism needs justification that my intuition says we will be doing this stuff in 3 years but she assures me it won't be like that...