I grew up in a religious, no sex before marriage household. Although I was a sexual teenager who snuck a dildo and definitely masturbated, I definitely struggled with owning my sexuality. Sometimes I still doubt myself.

My husband brought up this lifestyle for the first time in June 2021. I freaked the hell out. Why didn’t he want me? Does he want other women? All the normal thoughts.

We had a night away from the kids one night and I was drunk and agreed to it but only if we paid another guy so I felt like I could end it at any moment. I probably regret this part now, but I can’t change it.

It felt awkward at first and I definitely needed to be told what to do by my husband. When the other guy got behind me and I was sucking my husband I remember enjoying it but being too scared to say it.

I freaked out at enjoying it and called it. My husband and I still had sex that night and he was ready to go again instantly after finishing which never happens.

A few months later and he mentioned it again and I was a bit better with it but said I’d be better if I knew them (I know now this could go either way). He confessed he’d told his best mate in excitement and discussed the possibility of him, trying to upsell me with his size of all things.

It happened over a bbq and my husband knew I enjoyed myself and then it happened again, again and again. His friend is confident and is the feature in my videos. My husband doesn’t want to be in any publicly due to his workplace environment and I understand that but he gets off on me posting.

I was way more comfortable and excited but surprised myself by admitting I wanted to try new people. Over 18 months I played with 19 men - some with my husband and some without, some as part of a couple

I’ve definitely toned it down now and still have frequent sex with my his friend often alone when he or I are just wanting sex.

I still struggle with talking dirty, gives me mega anxiety in person but I sit and think about 3 years ago and never would have imagined I’d be here