Me (28M) and my (27F) have been dabbling the past few years. I told her about 18 months ago and she was surprised to say the least.

She hit it off with a bartender, went on a date with him and just had dinner, nothing came of it. Even that interaction was a bit much for both of us and we took a step back.

12 months later she met a guy out at a bar that she knew from high school. They ended up having multiple dates and did actually have sex. But he was really vanilla and wasn’t a true bull. That was about 6 months ago.

Recently she met a guy in the lifestyle at a bar and got his number. She told me about the interaction they had and it really gets me going. I can tell though that she is more into the idea of attention/flirting more than pursuing casual sex. She also doesn’t really like to talk to me about her interactions, or at least doesn’t indulge my lust. I encourage dirty talk and to take advantage of the jealousy/intimacy but she doesn’t really play into it.

I’m looking for advice on how to make her want this?