I posted this in r/sex yesterday but it was taken down pretty quickly. Someone suggested I share it here, I hope I’m welcome despite the fact we are only tip toeing into this fantasy….

I think I finally realized why I have a fantasy of sharing my wife

BACKGROUND: My wife and I have been together for over 15 years, married for almost 8. Over 10 years ago I remember trying to explain to my friends that I wouldn’t really mind if my gf (future wife) had a one night stand, they didn’t really believe me and just brushed me off as weird.

Fast forward to about 6 years ago, my wife was out of town and I missed her so I was looking for wife themed porn and I came across the term Hot Wife which led to this corner of the internet.

At this point I felt a comfortable to passively mention things to my wife about how it was sexy when she flirted with other guys in the past or how some other things she did in front of guys was sexy, but she’d ask why, and my only answer was that I liked seeing her confidence when she explored her sexuality. This was 100% the truth but if felt incomplete. Most guy thinks it’s sexy when their partner is confident and sexual right? I still didn’t really understand.

What I think I learned about myself:

A few years ago I read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, in her book she mentions how context changes how you interpret things sexually.

-If you get tickled when your grumpy you get mad (yuck) but if your in bed with your partner it can be fun (yum)

-When I hug my wife when she’s in the middle of something else she gets mad (yuck) but normally its enjoyable (yum)

-Someone into BDSM might enjoy pain from their partner(yum) but not a drug cartel (yuck)

It wasn’t until I was laying in bed last night unable to sleep that I put these things together. Through our entire relationship my wife has been extremely loyal and nearly obsessed with me. We have two kids all of the same hobbies and a great life. In 15 years I never felt any sense of disloyalty it seems out of the realm of possibility.

When most people think about their partner sleeping with someone else they would have a full body stomach wrenching feeling of betrayal (yuck). Thanks to our stable history and her loyalty (and maybe other factors) when I think about these types of things instead of full body stomach wrenching feeling of jealousy, my mind interprets this as a full body feeling of pleasure, (yum). It’s like the strongest drug I’ve ever tried. I imagine Similarly to how pain for someone into BDSM feels good in the right situation.

Now that I realize this I feel like I have a much better understanding of my body I feel like I’m in the matrix and can bend spoons and stop bullets, or a munk who is an expert on meditation.

People of Reddit what do you think do I sound crazy or does this resonate with you? Thanks for reading I’d love to hear your opinion. I have been a lurker for a while but I haven’t seen this. Perspective.

TLDR: I have a fantasy of sharing my wife (even mildly), I think my mind gives me pleasure from what would be feelings of jealousy just like some people get pleasure from sexual things that would be painful to most.