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My husband and I started opening up to other men last year. It often fantasized about being with multiple men at once, but never really thought about or expected to actually do it.
When we discovered our fantasies align, he eventually got me comfortable enough to act on it.
Like most, we set up rules and boundaries. Some of the boundaries were added by me, he would have been OK with them.
The main ones were basically 100% condom use, no long term partners, and everyone is vetted and OKed by both of us, no "humiliation" aspect, and either can call timeout at any point.
I added no kissing (Weird given the circumstance, I know) and no separate play.
On vacation, we met a guy who we both really liked. I had insane sexual chemistry with him, and we both thought he was a great guy. The three of us all played together twice over two days, but my husband isn't a night owl, and was in bed before midnight each night. We had only two days left and I really wanted to get all the time (and sex) with him I could. My husband was very encouraging and gave me full permission.
I ended up breaking my no separate play and no kissing rules both nights (Both with husband's blessing).
Are bendable/breakable rules OK? I never thought about breaking the rules we both have together, and never would. I just get a little worried that it could be a slippery slope.
Any thoughts?
I know it sounds bad, but no. I can’t share. I’m the jealous type. It works with our dynamic…it was his idea to share me.
I guess that’s us - we don’t have a ton of experience, but this was the only time the circumstances felt right deviating from the rules. Only the rules I added myself, not my husband’s though.
Sorry that happened to you. I 100% agree- that’s cheating. I have no desire to do anything that my husband isn’t on board and enthusiastic about.
Thanks for the detailed and well thought out response. I definitely agree with it being on me to say no if it’s something he may just be saying out of horniness. We’ve talked about it before in detail - he’s been ok with it. It’s more of my thing.
Thanks for all the input!
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- 7 months ago
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Great answer. I’m surprised that no kissing is as common as it is. I thought we were outliers.
I feel much more comfortable playing together with husband, but this situation felt different for both of us.