I’ve noticed that from time to time I’m finding myself in a position with this fetish that seems rather limiting. I get into hotwifing fetish so much that it becomes the basis for my arousal. Now, this isn’t bad on itself. Over the years I think I’ve made a great progress with shedding the shame around this fetish - from feeling super guilty for even having this fantasy to being able to talk about it with my buddies. What is concerning is that once in a while I reach a point where for a prolonged amount of time I cannot get turned on any other way. This is problematic for me because sex is such a multi dimensional experience that reducing it to just one fetish seems just limiting to my own pleasure and self expression. I do feel simply silly to always have to have some third present in my sex life, even if this third is in my imagination and my partner is unaware. It can encompass other aspects of sex - intimacy, being in the moment with her, being able to access more rough aspects of my psyche and express them with my partner. It can feel like a trap to be forced to be somewhere else mentally, because at this time I’m not as present with my partner and she would often feel like I am absent minded or I am not really there with her.

I think the problem with this fetish is that for some reason it just hits the spot way stronger and faster than other forms of sexual stimulation. So the image of partner having sex with some other dude, for some biologically-psychological reason just takes me to the edge in seconds, whereas getting turned on by just the two of us can require some slower build up, some vulnerability and sometimes uncomfortable self expression that can feel scary to disclose. Hotwifing somehow bypasses all that and delivers me to a point of ultimate turn on.

For me the hyperfocus on this fetish quickly goes away with a break. For me a break can feel scary at first because I am not able to get turned on and I can panic that hotwifing broke me or that I have a ED. But after a week or so some other forgotten turn ons start popping up and I feel relived that I still got it. From needing a third to get rough with my partner I discover that I can be rough in a very fulfilling way. It is just more uncomfortable to step into this role myself and having other guy do it for me seems like a quick fix and easy way. But the payoff is that I don’t get to express and experience those parts of me in the first person.

I am in now way against this fetish, I am just sharing my eperience and my concern about it. Focusing on it so much that I lose sight who I am sexually when it is just me and her. For me hotwifing feels the best when I am in touch with other aspects of my sexuality. Getting lost into hotwifing for a while is also totally fine - I am only talking about a case in which I require this fetish to get turned on over a prolonged period of time and I kind of forget how to sexually be with my partner if it’s just the two of us. I would love to hear your thoughts, I am very curious if this is relatable or not or maybe this is just my thing.