Minor background:

Wife was promiscuous before we dated, we openly played with Hotwife role playing while dating. Now been married 10 years and have been stuck in a dead bedroom since the last kid (5 years old).

Current situation:

Just recently she has started to come out of her shell, and is rediscovering her authentic sexual identity / voice. As she emerges, she is finding herself is a new chapter, and really just wants to explore and play with her sexuality. Basically, she doesn’t want what she had before, she doesn’t necessarily want to explore with me. She just wants to go out and play and enjoy being a sexual being again. It is something she used to draw power from and wants to see what she will discover in this chapter.

First off, I love the idea of this. Her sexuality was a core element of my attraction to her, and I would love to see her recapture this, even if it is in a different form.

But to be honest, I too need a sexual outlet. That is new to her, I have always wanted her to play while I stay devoted, and that still totally works for me. But I need an outlet and if her play is private and I don’t hear the stories or get the pictures as I take a step back from being her primary partner.

To be fair, she doesn’t want to hide it from me, she just doesn’t want the pressure of dragging me and my fantasy along. Like when she goes to yoga, she does it, I know she does, but it’s not really our thing, just her thing (tennis is the same for me). This also doesn’t mean that I am cut off, but rather our sex will be about us, not about all the great sex she will be having (this sounds like a good thing, right?)

Anyways, a big part of me wants to give this to her. I love that she is communicating her real desires. I love that I see that sparkle coming back in her eye. I love the thought of her being sexually fulfilled. I love the thought of being an enabler of that rather than main character.

But…. 2 things standout:

1. I think I am in a similar mindset, and need sexual awakening. I would like to explore like her, and really would like to explore with her, given my first choice.

Which leads me to

1. I don’t trust myself. We have been playing this game for 10* years and to think she is out there playing and I have to just play it cool…. I can say I want to all I want, but I know the strength of my gremlins, and I know they will need an outlet.

I know if I say I want to play with others, she will say nevermind. I don’t want that. We have played with cages which is fun, but does require her engagement.

Just wondering about a couple of things:

1. This seems like a life stage as much as a lifestyle stage. Anyone navigate similar? Lessons to learn that can be applied her?

2. Any tips or tricks on this dynamic? I feel like it is almost a “Don’t ask don’t tell”, so maybe that is where I should get advice. But it doesn’t feel that way, as I t could take so much joy in it….

I know, communicate communicate communicate…. I am just try to arm myself with information as we explore options.