Tl;dr: the “big step” is approaching, and I have insecurities setting in.

How do you curve jealousy? Especially with activities like your wife and him texting leading up to the evening.

How do I not feel naturally insecure about my inadequacies?

Women — How do you keep out the significant emotions, especially when convos are so intimate?

Context:

My wife and I have been together for 10 years. I started having real fantasies of an MFM and after a while of discussing it, we took our first steps. Met a guy on 3Fun, I texted with him before my wife began texting with him. We met up this past weekend for the first time but my wife was on her period — probably for the best as it allowed this meet up to have less expectations. We would up walking to the park and having a super erotic experience — I made out with her, then he did, and we both sucked on her tits. It was super hot. The guy has been really respectful of our relationship and boundaries. He actually stopped it before it got much and said we should save the rest for when we plan to get together this week for the full thing.

My wife is really excited. We started dating when she was 19 so she didn’t get to have many sexual experiences before me (only been with 2 other guys prior). So I’m excited to give her experience, and I’ve been excited as well. But after our first meet up, my feels started creeping in.

I’m a bit more on edge when I see her texting him. I feel a bit more insecure about what this will all be like. I don’t want to ruin this for her (or myself) and I want to see this through. But I think some natural jealousy is setting in.

I’ve even had conversations with the guy and he’s been great. Told him that after this happens, I want it to be a “we’ll text you” think so there’s no expectation of more, and he was completely on the same page. He’s never said anything demeaning or sneaky to my wife. Everything is shaping out to be a great scenario. But you know…feels…

So I ask again—

How do you curve jealousy? Especially with activities like your wife and him texting leading up to the evening. I’m not jealous typically, and didn’t feel jealous when we were all together. But I think I’m more nervous about feeling jealous, than actually feeling jealous. Or maybe a mix of both. Is that normal? Knowing that I truly do want to do this, and both my wife and the guy are super respectful, how do I curve these natural feelings?

How do I not feel naturally insecure about my inadequacies? My wife and I never really sexted with each other. Just never was part of our relationship. Now she’s enjoying the sexting with this guy and the dirty talk, and I can’t help but feeling like she was missing this the whole time. Additionally, penis size was never an issue or talked about as part of this fantasy, but turns out he’s quite larger than me. Nothing has been said, but how do I not feel physically inadequate, even tho giving her something she doesn’t normally get is part of the fantasy.

And to any women that have had previous experience — How do you keep out the significant emotions, especially when convos are so intimate? As a dumb guy, my brain tricks me into thinking the worst. My wife is super trusting and only doing this because it will be great for us, but I can’t understand how she’ll be able to separate her emotions. She doesn’t have experience with meaningless sex so I’m just concerned that I’m setting myself up to get hurt or for her to be sad when this experience ends.

Again, I know I want to do this. I full trust my wife for us to have this experience. I know I’m in my own head. But I don’t have friends I can talk to about this. So I’m just processing the natural feelings.