Horror is subjective. To some it may mean that their marriage was destroyed while for others it may be having a bad encounter.

Look at swinging as becoming new parents. Typically, neither person in a marriage knows how their partner will be once they actually become parents - as individuals, we are selves so not know. There is a new elements and a whole set of new experiences and emotions to navigate through that are filled with doubt, insecurities, a learning curve, and dynamics that are influenced by great joy and at times fear.

Swinging in a way may be similar in that neither of you knows either yourself (and especially the other) how you will be as a swinger. Everyone’s journey, just like parenthood, is different. You will need to sort your own emotions and expectations- as will he. You may view experiences differently. Your concerns and feelings may vary and change on the course to becoming more experienced swingers.

As with parenting, the key (as you will hear time and time again) is to have explicit, frequent, and at times even brutal communication. Make sure you see this as an activity that is meant to be shared by the pair of you to enhance your relationship and bringing closer together. Set and vocalize expectations and when they are not met then address it. Often times relationships fail due to unmet expectations, but you cannot meet something you have no awareness of because 1) one partner didn’t speak up or 2) you didn’t even realize you expected (aka assumed) about how something would play out.

Make sure you also debrief. Go over how an experience was for both of you. How you felt, what could have been different, what you discovered about yourself, what is something you liked or didn’t, what surprised, what are you inspired to try now, and compliment each other for taking the next step.

Also, create a safe word or signal to stop an interaction. Not all experiences will be welcomed and you always have the right to change your mind. Sometimes the vibe is off, the attraction is not really there or you may not feel comfortable or safe.

Also, to address something about your post- have an understanding of the pace you want to proceed in. Baby steps are important and need to be acknowledged. Nonetheless, offer grace for possibly getting carried away or taking a misstep as they will happen! You will be surprised at how within hundreds of baby steps a giant leap forward may happen and this can throw the dynamic off.

We are all human, we all have missteps even in the best of marriages. So adding this dynamic will bring forth some situations that are not the best as you are in the new learning curve.

Many marriages can thrive in the lifestyle if you approach it with an open mind and very open communication. Always respect each other’s feelings, desires and fears.

Hopefully, you can avoid any horror story, of your own and not risk, but rather enhance your marriage. Take it slow and visit lifestyle clubs to help you normalize the idea. See how there are other real people doing it. And as you feel more comfortable and confident, take steps forward.

On average husbands are eager and want to dive right in. This sometimes causes some issues so make sure you manage those expectations. If he is pushing for it he. Weds to realize you are a goddess who is be to respected, reassured, and given the time to find your space in the lifestyle community.

When we started going to clubs we spent a great deal of time speaking to other couples about their journeys and what to consider. You will find that on average, swingers are very welcoming and supporting. We are a community that will gladly share any insights and advice to ensure you are also successful.

Wishing you all the best!