My girlfriend (28f) and I (31m) have a great sex life and we both have a lot of sexual experience. I’ve had a Hotwife fetish and interest for a while, and upon first bringing up the idea she was interested and found it very sexy. She shared some of her fantasies in that genre about being used by another guy or two and it was VERY hot to hear about. We even talked about going to another city for a long weekend of sex for both of us including some fun Hotwife type challenges etc. - it all seemed like it was going to be a reality.

However, recently she has been avoidant of the idea and asked that we don’t include “that” dirty talk in the bedroom. It turns out she’s not happy with the source of my fetish.

Like some other posts I read here, I discovered this fetish when I caught my ex cheating on me. I opened my laptop one day to find a secret email address open on it full of emails from various guys vividly describing what they want to do/had done with her while I was at work. Some were very detailed and even included pictures/videos. It was a wild mix of emotions because even though I was heartbroken, I was massively turned on as I read these descriptions and viewed these pictures of my girlfriend at the time fucking and blowing other guys.

Of course the relationship was over because of all of the lying and deceit involved, but I had discovered this new desire. In the couple people I dated before my current gf, I had gently approached the subject asking about past experiences etc, but nothing much.

With my current gf, it is true unconditional love and we know we are going to be together (marriage talks have happened etc.). The sex has always been incredible and open, and when I first brought it up she was very down as I mentioned above. However she now says that she doesn’t like that the source of my desire has to do with my ex.

I tried to explain that it isn’t because of my ex necessarily- it’s just when I discovered I have this desire. I compared it to something she enjoys- choking - and how obviously she discovered she enjoys it with a previous partner but she doesn’t think about them when we do it now. However she wanted to change the subject.

Now I’m not sure how to proceed - so I just table it for the foreseeable future? Or is there another way I can explain things for clarity?