This basically started for me when I watched porn with my partner and she was wetter than normal. I was jealous and also aroused. We talked about about doing a MFM threesome and I was worried I wouldn't be able to perform. She said I could just watch. This hurt me, and gave me feelings of both jealousy and arousal. I felt more comfortable with a threesome.

We would dirty talk and it improved the quality of sex with us a lot, but she said she didn't like that we couldn't just have great sex without the idea of involving other people. I talked to guys on here that were wanting to fuck her, and saw it would help a lot if I was comfortable with the guy. He didn't want a relationship, he didn't want pregnancy anymore than I did and things like that. But a couple of weeks ago I dropped it.

I asked her to abstain from masturbation and why. I'm not sure if she has. I didn't take her vibrator. The original plan was no porn, masturbation, for me reading anything about it that I could get aroused by like on here and messaging guys back and forth, and no sex. I thought this would improve the quality of vanilla sex between us if we abstained. We didn't stick to this rule completely so I would like to start over. Sex wasn't as good, and I just wanted to cum, but I would at least make sure she did first from oral.

I started taking Vyvanse since the porn thing, and I think this contributes to my arousal if I let the energy be focused on sex rather than getting things accomplished. I think this pushed it to the point that it was. I have been on it before I met her and I blame it for some occasions where I had ED from performance anxiety. It can make me hypersexual if I'm with someone I'm comfortable with, but it makes me overthink everything so if there is any discomfort I couldn't get it up. I've had issues with performance anxiety not on it too but that made it worse. People here have suggested Viagra and Cialis for times like the MFM threesome, and if I know anyone who had it I might try but my issue is 100% mental so I doubt the effectiveness for me. Not taking the Vyvanse would be important though.

Anyway as for the fantasy, I'm not as into it now which is good because I really don't want to be and it doesn't seem healthy. It all seems like it's fetishizing my insecurities or feelings of inadequacy. If I think about the idea of her picking up some random stranger to fuck, it's hot because I probably wouldn't be able to if I was asked. I could still be aroused by it but the idea of it makes me a little mad now more than turned on. I think this is the natural reaction a man should have to the idea of it.

I still want to try abstinence, but I would want both of us too and with me on Vyvanse it will be a lot harder. I don't have any guarantees she won't watch porn or masturbate but she seemed serious about it when I brought it up. Are there downsides to abstinence? Personally I have noticed my sex drive drop off after a few days. I'm not sure if that is good or not. It would make it easier, and if the idea is for vanilla sex with my partner to be more appealing I think this would help. I just don't like the idea of my sex drive dropping. I don't know if other guys are the same way, and I'm pretty sure women aren't. I feel like if we could both not have sex, watch porn or masturbate for 3 weeks sex would be great when we started back.

I'm posting this for support. Most people here don't seem like they are trying to get over it. If she told me she wanted to do it now I wouldn't really care. I just feel like for me, the reasons I was turned on by it weren't healthy. I'm open to the opinions of others too.