I've been somewhat of a stupid slut lately for the first time in my life, and it feels amazing. I can't believe it's been only four months, but it might be time for an origin story:

So I finally decided to take my husband's advice to start "living for myself." I mean, we've been married for 6 years, and he's been hinting at this for months. John picked me up from the Middle East where he was on deployment, and I was only 19 at the time. Although he had his fun, he was my first and my only, and recently he started saying I deserve to sample the buffet, if at least for a while. He kept saying he trusts me fully no matter what I do, and I finally decided to believe him.

It began when my boss came in and hit me with a curveball: I was about to take off to Germany for a month to work. That news sent John into overdrive. We kept having this crazy amazing sex, and somewhere along the line it just started hitting like more than just a fantasy. I downloaded Tinder a month before leaving, set my location to Cologne, and got a lot of matches. Like, several thousand within a week. Wow. Apparently I really like attention.

It was my first weekend in town, and the first guy I met was nice, showed me some nice spots, but let's just say he had some "performance issues." My husband sympathized and talked me through a second try with him, and I really, really tried- but he still couldn't figure it out. Ugh, so frustrating!

Over the following week John had researched some bars for me to check out, so I dressed up and had a few drinks at the hotel bar before heading out. As soon as I sat down, this Israeli guy started chatting me up. Really? An Israeli hitting on an Arab? He was playful though, and we had some fancy cocktails. Said he was here for a Muse concert. We hit it off and he invited me to his room.

The chemistry was electric. He kissed me, and I swear it felt like fireworks. But I was really drunk and really ovulating, so not really trustworthy 😂. His fingers slowly slid down and then right in. I legitimately don't think I had ever been this wet. Tongues mashing, exploring each other... But then, he didn't have protection. Seriously? It was 1 AM, and I just decided to call it a night.

I returned to my hotel room, my head buzzing not just from the alcohol and spinning from the emotions. I thought about how John and I had evolved in our relationship. He rescued me from a life I didn't want, and now he's encouraging me to have a life I never would've dreamed of. It's liberating and wild. And I still don't know what to think fully.

I called John. it was 10 AM and he was at work. I worked on myself while we were on the phone. I didn't tell him that I was but I think at some point he said "I can tell how wet you are by the tone of your voice." Can barely remember, but wow I must've been horny. We said our "I love yous" and I came the second he put down the phone...

The following day, I invited a work friend of mine to the Muse concert. I've never listened to Muse before, but they were decent. I was so drunk I forgot to take the guy's number, so I think I spent more time looking around the crowd than at the band haha. Ended up buying this cute oversized concert tee though. My new favorite pajamas

So yeah, Germany was a rollercoaster, and a LOT more happened after this ;) but I can only write so fast.

I'm learning so much about myself every day now, and my husband has been so supportive every step of the way. I'm looking forward to keeping this little record of my journey as we continue.