For some context, I'm an American of Asian descent. Born abroad and grew up in California in a major city. If you've listened to K-Pop or watched stuff like Squid Game and Parasite, you've enjoyed parts of my culture.

I've had some experiences being a 3rd for married couples from O.L.D., and was a regular Bull for a friend from college who was long distance with her BF due to grad school. Because of such moments, I've gotten really interested in exploring this lifestyle more and having consensual fun with passionate couples. Hotwives - married women - especially drive me nuts. Y'all be the Olympic gold medalists of sex, I swear.

I'm in my early 30s, 5'10", 185 lbs, very broad shouldered with long hair. While I'm currently bulking before cutting for my fitness plan, at my fittest I have a six pack with a V taper, and actively work out and do martial arts (of course). In terms of my face and looks, I'm not arrogant enough to say I'm a perfect 10 Adonis, but I have modeled before, for surf and streetwear stuff. It's not hard for me to flirt and find dates in-person. Currently I measure out to about 6.5" long x 6" thick at my hardest, and do PE for my own satisfaction. My personality is pretty laid back and people say I'm genuine and make them laugh.

I mention all that info, because it seems I should be making some great connections in the lifestyle. While it does happen, what I was not expecting to encounter was the consistent level of blatant racism and prejudice against men like myself, especially for a lifestyle which is all about being open-minded and respectful of each other. I'm beginning to realize why r/SubtleAsianSwingers exists for a reason. It's almost like we need to self-segregate, and that is entirely not right.

Some recent examples:

• I matched with a beautiful 30s redhead on Feeld in a linked account with her partner who's also White. All three of us even shared many common interests and kinks. Midway through a great conversation with her as things began to pick up, she abruptly sends me a final message saying she's down but her partner doesn't want her sleeping with an Asian guy before promptly unmatching me. This was yesterday.
• Had an interesting connection via DM'ing on R4R with a married couple in their mid-20s. She was Latina and he was Black. Everything's going great. The moment we began to swap pics of ourselves, I was straight up called a "Ch*nk," and basically told to fuck off. Major bummer on this one because they seemed cool and were also POC.
  
• Perhaps the most ironic one was an Asian wife with a White husband from r/SoCalSwingers looking for a Single Male. Despite being from the same culture as the Hotwife, somehow they thought I wouldn't be able to, "connect with them on a personal level, and understand their relationship dynamics." Yeah, not like we speak the same languages and have similar backgrounds...

I understand based on demographics and what's commonly seen in porn, that Black and White may be the majority of what people look for, especially in their dominant Bulls and sometimes 3rds. But I'm finding more and more couples - especially the men - find something disturbing, threatening, or unattractive about sleeping with a man of Asian descent. I can't explain it. Asian women are desired and seen as really hot, but us guys can go pound sand apparently.

Openly discriminating against a Black man would rightfully be seen as rude and offensive, but it appears perfectly okay to discriminate and at times openly hate on people like me. Seriously, what the fuck?

For these situations best case scenario it's just like, "Eww, gross" and in worst case scenarios I get hit with small-dick stereotypes and called stupid names like "No Hang Lo" or something equally low effort and idiotic. This is even after swapping nudes and sharing dick pics, and seeing and knowing some of the obvious cases where I'm bigger/thicker and in better shape than the male partner! Again, wtf? I've been on Discord channels where sometimes even the mods have participated in it or condoned this BS behavior by letting it go unchecked. Somehow it's not seen as racist.

Don't get me wrong: Sizequeens should live their lives and not have to compromise on what they want intimately. I get it and appreciate their upfront honesty. Everybody has types and preferences for what they find sexy. But at least in those cases, they're openly looking for something like "8 inches Hung Black/White Bull." What's pissing me off are the cases where it seems like things are going well but then I'm basically shut down the moment my ethnicity is revealed.

I enjoy making women feel good, sharing them with their men and ultimately helping couples fulfill their kinks and my own. I hope to one day find a likeminded partner who I can share the lifestyle with. That said, it feels like I'm in an uphill battle to explore my fantasies and live an enriching sex life because of the racism/prejudice I've encountered time and again. It is messing with my self-confidence and quite discouraging for someone who wants to be an active, contributing member of the community.

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Has anyone here had similar experiences? What would be your advice?