Yes. She’s a bitch.

Didn’t say you shouldn’t be in therapy. Just that you shouldn’t talk to her about it. It’s a private matter between you and your therapist.

“The fact that she immediately jumped to ending the sexual relationship means either she has contemplated this before…”

100%. This is such an important point. A lot of men approach things with women as if they were other men. But this is absolutely how she is thinking about it, and it’s a really valuable call-out to have this identified from a woman’s perspective.

OP proposes hotwifing. OP’s wife threatens to end sexual relationship over it. I get that it’s not for her, but don’t you think this is a disproportionate reaction?

Let’s take hotwifing out of it for a second. Let’s say OP had proposed a different kink, like pegging or BDSM play. A reasonable person who’s not into it might say something like “yeah thanks for sharing but it’s not really my thing, is there anything else we might explore to broaden our horizons that we might mutually enjoy”, vs “you do this shit and we’re through”, which is how I interpret a threat to end the sexual aspects of a relationship over a kink request.

I don’t know her of course. I only know what the OP posted, she didn’t exactly come off as a warm, loving, empathetic partner who was at least amenable to hearing his desired.

Also, why the actual fuck were they having convo over text? Does this seem like the kind of thing that should not be discussed in person? I am guessing it is because they are already having problems and using the phones as a defense mechanism and barrier to communication. Ask me how I know this. I have been in similarly toxic situations in the past. I’m now in a very happy and loving relationship. I took my licks and I learned.

But this is not about me. What alternative advice do you have for the OP, that is contrary to that which I have given? Which, by way of review, is to stop talking about hotwifing with her, not bring it up again, keep his private therapy sessions private, and take a much stronger approach with his wife, by which I mostly mean sacking up, being his own man, and, while not being mean or abusive to her, also not taking her shit.

Do you have an alternative suggestion?

I’m happily married. I have no current issues to “project”, while we’re on the topic of making assumptions.

But it wasn’t always this way. I have been in relationships similar to that of the OP in the past and yes they were, in fact, toxic.

The particular toxicity that I am referring to here is not OP wife’s lack of eagerness to Hotwife, so much as the disdain she seems to have towards him. As I said above, she’s already got one foot out the door. As stated by another woman already on this thread, her reaction indicates that she was already contemplating ending their sexual relationship. It was kinda real easy tell that, when she said that.

Anyway, let’s not make this anymore about me, or the OPs relationship outside of the hotwifing context, because all that veers pretty far off topic for this board. I have no dog in this fight. I am just seeing the train heading for the tracks that OP is laying on. They can choose to heed my warning, or not.