I wanna keep this short as possible it’s been a long 2 years since bringing up my fantasy but I’ll start here. One night drunk, brought it up, told her it would turn me on to see her with another, she was receptive, we had bomb sex 3 times in 24 hours of her teasing me saying dirty things etc. I don’t bring it up for weeks. One night at a club she takes her ring off, says let’s see if you can handle this. Dances on a guy all night flirting etc. we go home feeling the thrill, amazing sex. For days in a row she told me how fun it was. She tells me she wouldn’t sleep with anyone tho but would play the game. Said she needs connection for sex etc and isn’t into one night stands. Months later, i say, hey there’s this couples club, (swingers club) around the way do you wanna just check it out? She agrees but only to people watch. We end up fucking next to another couple and she gives the other wife oral. We leave, she enjoyed. This is where it starts going down hill. I fucked up TERRIBLY. Weeks later we’re out eating and she brings up going back to the club. It was late so we both agreed maybe another night. The next week i bring it up, she wasn’t in the mood i guess and was moody and goes “i don’t wanna live a life like that, our relationship isn’t the strongest right now, and it can fuck us up” i was fearful and out of fear questioned why the change and tried to convince her we would be ok which resulted in her feeling pressure. We argued because she accused me of me thinking shes not enough for me etc and i got defensive and the more negative assumptions she made about my intentions the more i fought to prove my point. The once fun light hearted fun became serious and unpleasant. Well months later we’re on vacation at a busy bar, i say “do you wanna play the ring game” she gives me a look like “seriously?” I said it’s okay we don’t have to she says no it’s okay. She proceeds and ends up making out with a guy all night and we had fun! I was watching from a far while she’s txting me. We go home and she tells me it was fun etc but then days later again she goes “i don’t wanna live a crazy life i was hoping it would make you so jealous you would snap out of this fantasy”. I brought it up a few weeks later and she got snippy same argument happened. That was a year ago. I’ve realized SOO much since reading how letting her come around on her terms is so important so i just let it go for a year now.

Fast forward to now. Over the past few months she has made little comments like “you wish i would do this etc” but i haven’t engaged because i want to prove i can handle myself. She’s more important then a fantasy. A week ago this model looking guy knocks on our door trying to sell pest control, i tell her a good looking dude knocked he’s coming back at 6. When she sees him she loses it and goes what the fuck i wasn’t expecting him to look like that. We begin talking and joking and she’s telling me how she would risk it all but then goes just kidding but keeps bringing him up all week. I wonder if it’s a good idea to role play with it? Or should i keep waiting and let her come around? I joked with her and said i had his number and she got nervous and said don’t mess with me I’ll call him right now! On our dinner last night she brought up how the pressuring in the past made her feel bad and i apologized and she told me we weren’t in a good spot in our relationship to be going to swingers clubs etc back then. We are super strong now from therapy etc. i made a vow that i will never question her again if she changes her mind about stuff. I’m just nervous bringing it up again and don’t know if i should let it be. She told me many times she wants normalcy and doesn’t want things that can threaten us in our life. So I’m lost because sometimes i get this playful side of her like the last week. How should i proceed? Keep waiting? Or have a talk..