This lifestyle is amazing... when the stars align. I started as a third to other couples about 7 years ago. I've been dating my female partner for over 5 years too and we have been dabbling in the lifestyle together and with our own experiences.

It's kind of amazing going back in my old Reddit chat history and seeing 50% of profiles that reached out or I reached out to being deleted, 40% being inactive and abandoned, while the 10% of remaining accounts seem to still be active.

I get it... everyone has those moments where they go into 'heat' and become absolutely addicted to the idea of these fantasies. I feel like most people either get over whelmed or that moment "in heat" fades and you don't go through with your fantasy.

And life gets busy, things change. I get that as well. I just wish it was easier & more acceptable to communicate with more nuance.

• Yes - I am ready now
• Maybe yes - I am interested, let's keep this going until I am ready
• Maybe, later - let's stay in contact, things may change
• Maybe, not likely - "meh... not motivated but maybe sometime down the road"
• No

It feels like this lifestyle only works for those who "strike while the iron is hot". I have never seen meetups that happen where a conversation started, it dragged for sometime, and then it picked up months later. Which is pretty lame, because there isn't an infinite supply of people you might enjoy (well, unless you are looking for average wannabe "bulls" lol).

There are always newbies making an exhausting amount of newbie posts on subreddits like this. And most will flame out. It took me and my GF over 5 years to navigate this journey together. It's a bummer that we have met some amazing couples and other thirds but they have not lasted very long.

I don't know what the point of this was. But I will offer some advice for all the lurkers out there who are exploring this lifestyle.

• Don't waste your time... do things that reduce flakiness and time sucks. Meaning, post anon-photos on your reddit so other people can immediately get a sense if they will like you. Describe what you are looking for, where you are located, what your timing is.
• Don't be afraid to move to facetime, snapchat, etc to do a quick 15 minute call with someone. Keep the momentum going. Plan a PG-rated in person meeting over coffee like you would for any date there is interest in.
• Don't be afraid to tell someone that they can check in with you in the future periodically if this is something you are still working through and need more time