On 11/19/22 at 1:50 am She called me from the bar. She sounded a little anxious and said “there is someone here who wants me to take them home.” “Okay” I said. “Do you know what I mean?” She asked? I was not yet fully asleep, but I had been close - I was groggy but knew it meant one of two things. “Are they drunk and cannot drive or someone you have been flirting with?” “They are not drunk, someone I have been flirting with.” “Oh, okay,” is all I could manage. There was a brief awkward silence. “Is that okay?” She asked. “Of course baby,” I assured her.

She went on to explain that it was a guy she worked with this past summer during a brief stint at a family fun center / restaurant concept that quickly lost its luster when it became clear to her and the rest of the staff that the owners were not content just squeezing customers for every dime, they were also committed to squeezing their staff. They went as far as charging the servers a percentage of credit card fees - despite the fact they boasted of being a multimillion dollar location. He was someone she became friends with when they both worked there, and although she always found him attractive, nothing had ever happened between them. Until tonight.

“Like, you’re sure?” She asked. “If you’re comfortable and you want to, yes, I’m sure.” I said. “Okay, yes, I really want to. I love you so fucking much. I gotta go.” She said. “Okay, be safe. I love you too.”

My anxiety peaked, as well as my confusion. I paced around the house and chain smoked at least three cigarettes. I wasn’t confused about why this was happening. We had been discussing this very scenario for months. I was confused about the hint of reservations I was feeling - I was confused by being confronted unexpectedly by the transition from fantasy to reality. I was a nervous wreck. I replayed the conversation over and over again in my mind and fought the urge to call her back and ask all 45 of the questions I had thought of in the two minutes since we hung up. The situation wasn’t helped when she called back fifteen minutes after we hung up. I quickly suspected it was a butt dial. I heard one of her girl friends laughing in the background and She said “my tab is paid and I have his permission”. Then the call ended.

In the months leading up to that call, as we laid in bed together and my hands searched the exact place and the exact way she wanted to be touched, I told her, night after night, how sexy it would be if she had someone else to fuck besides me. It really goes back further than that. Since the beginning of our relationship she would tell me about the woman she had been intimate with. Nothing turned me on more. I also made sure to tell her she had a green light to hook up with any woman she wanted to, as long as she told me about it.

Initially, she loved using the stories to get me hard. But I quickly became obsessed. Too obsessed. Soon the stories from the past were not enough and I wanted her to fantasize with me about her fucking one of her friends. Over the years this came and went as she would express her frustration that my obsession with the fantasy caused her to fear that - just her - was not enough. I tried to explain how I saw it. From my prospective, this was part of her sexuality - I never for a moment saw it as anything other than something in her that aroused me. She would ask me to stop bringing it up and I would comply - usually only for a couple weeks, at the most. Something would happen that felt like an opportunity to bring it up again and the whole cycle would repeat. Being obsessed with that fantasy and not being able to express it became motivation to delve even further into my secret porn addiction. Not secret in the sense that she didn’t know I looked at porn, secret in the sense that she didn’t know I looked at porn and masturbated to it three or four times daily. When that secret was uncovered - it was almost the end of us. From her prospective, it only confirmed that she was not enough. In my mind, it wasn’t about that - I compartmentalized porn and our sexual relationship as two totally different things. However, I gave up porn entirely from that moment on. I recommitted myself to our sex life and it eventually caused a huge improvement in all aspects of our relationship.

Over a year later - with a much healthier sexual relationship as a foundation we began fantasizing together during sex. I encountered her to fantasize about her friends and she would tell which ones she was attracted to. There were two different women from work that she really enjoyed flirting with and she would kiss them occasionally and tell me stories about touching their tits at the bar or even pulling out their tits at the bar. I loved those nights when she would come home and tell me all about it while I touched her and fucked her. During this time I also started buying her sex toys. The first one was big, clear, confetti filled dildo.

Posting the next part now.