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First, we put a reddit post (or SDC Speed Date) out and inform the sub what we are looking for. We call the interested men āselectsā. If something catches our eye, we send our selects a message to start gathering info, and to start the validation portion. If I get a good feeling, and the wife is interested then we move to SnapChat. We like that platform because it offers protection for us and makes it very easy to validate through live pics / vids. If the wife hits it off via chat then we look to set up a casual date. We require a casual date typically a day or more before potential fun. At the end of the casual date I ask our select to walk her to the car so they can get some alone time. Thatās when she gets to make her final decision on if the attraction is there for her. She gets slightly physical but stays within our set boundaries.
If the vibe is right with the casual date then we push to schedule a play date. We will normally sext with our selects if the first casual date goes well. We want them to see us being sexual, understand what we look like naked, and of course build more excitement. On the day of the play date we meet at a nearby bar for a drink or 2 just to reconfirm the connection. We then head up to the hotel room where the convo turns more adult. We normally vibe for a bit then we require all of us to shower quickly simply because we are very clean people. She showers last while I explain final rules and make the select feel comfortable with the situation. When she comes out we get to the fun.
Our initial set of questions is very simple just to confirm if we are a basic fit. Time in lifestyle, ok with casual meets / hotels, feelings on our play dynamic, relationship status (we donāt want unknowing people to get hurt), and finally dong measurements. I then spend some time with casual chit chat. Once she starts chatting itās no set questions she simply puts in the work to weed out the fakes / flakes through conversation.
We canāt stop people from breaking courtesy of not taking pics. It hasnāt happened to our knowledge though. I would say she weeds the fakes out before sending any imagery of substance now. But weāve dealt with several time wasters in the beginning.
She just asks them to send live pics, or a short video referencing her username or any identifying info. We only did 2 video chats, but itās not something we really care to do. We get social in person.
We have a large set of rules that stay private, and a small basic set we share. Itās all the basics that you see everywhere though. We have 4-5 pages written on our internal guidelines, vetting rules, casual date, play date, post contact, etc. Our number 1 rule is: If itās a maybe by either party then itās a no. We also do a pros and cons convo after every initial contact, casual date, and before / after every playdate. We also have a rule to communicate fully and honestly. Sometimes those conversations turn to disagreements, but they just progress us further and have built a stronger connection in the LS.
One big piece of advice I can give is that rules / guidelines will often change over time, and that is ok because weāre still trying to figure out what we enjoy doing this. Just donāt change them in the heat of the moment. Give it time to process.
Perfect, thank you! We only search in areas weāre headed to. But our problem is we donāt show her face as we stay extremely discreet. Maybe weāll try that on our next trip. Thanks a ton.
Best advice I can give to perform around others is to not be too intoxicated. More importantly have authentic confidence in yourself. If you have doubts they may creep in and take over. Performance anxiety can be very real in the LS, so have that real confidence.
Tough to say how to get over that. I had been in plenty of 3ways, and public action before so it was easy for me with my wife surprisingly. She always is nervous during the casual meetings, but has no issues performing once action begins.
I like it! Weāre not familiar with r4r but will check it out. Weāve played with different approaches and tried meeting / playing same day, but found we prefer meeting casually a day or more before.
Love it! Adding more fun to the fun.
Any tips on this? Weāre using paid tinder, but no luck. Way too many flakes, guys put off by the mfm dynamic. It just wasnāt an efficient use of our time. SDC has been great though.
Same so far for us. Weāve seen the connection disappear while having schedule conflicts.
We definitely considered this route. We found we like more control than that option offers us. But we may give it a try at some point. For now we only play together so it may not be the best way for us.
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- 1 year ago
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So we donāt have a rule, but obviously they must be legal. We do prefer mature gentleman, but that could just mean they have a mature mentality. If you canāt hold a real conversation weāll pass you over pretty quickly.