I'm new to Reddit and a new Hotwife as of February this year. It's taken time getting my head and heart around the HW Lifestyle: How it might impact my marriage and how to embrace my own sexual confidence (and let go of insecurities) as a woman. Learning and growing as a woman and Hotwife is a new obsession, and it's an education of sorts as I read subs like this and on Stag/Hotwife/Bull Psychology, etc.

I originally posted my Hotwife story below on 3/14 as a reply to an awesome Communication question HERE. However, my husband and I believe my story might be helpful for other wannabe Stags/Hotwives out there who are new or trying to get across the first hurdle. We are still figuring it all out and fumbling a little, but that's half the fun, right?

Wishing you a sexy hot journey of your own fellow newbies and wannabes!

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US: After 15 years of marriage and 20 years being together, my husband started seriously taking steps in this lifestyle going on boards in November, orienting himself and chatting up potential Bulls. Mind you, we had sex near daily as we had reignited our sex life after an awful long dry spell (perhaps story for another day). Dear Husband (DH) finally told me he wanted us to explore this lifestyle seriously mid-January, telling me the backend work he’d done and how he's ready when I am. I did not agree to give out my contact info then. I only connected with my Bull on February 1st.

To be honest, I was a little in shock in January. Our Pillow Talk went from “wouldn’t it be interesting if…” to "I have a name and number, he's waiting for your go." It took time to really wrap my head around this and get my self-confidence up to look at myself as sexy to me, much less anyone else. DH has been my person for over 20 years and I haven’t had to think about me being “desirable” to anyone else but him, and couldn’t think how or why anyone else would. Actually that’s pretty much how he couched it on his wannabe-Stag profile, flirt with my wife, make her feel beautiful, then see what happens naturally.

That said, I AM a curious and engaging Scorpio woman. I am friendly and enjoy conversation; I had good “flirt game” as a dating person. Add my super suppressed Kinky that would be now FREE to explore.... my curiosity got the best of me and I relented. Hubby gave my contact to Bull “S” on February 1. Honestly it was exhilarating to see that first chat come in. I recall my heart beating and hands shaking the first time I replied and sent.

I needed A LOT of conversation with my Bull to get my own bearings on what Hotwifing was all about. He had been speaking with my husband for months, but I was a blank slate and wanted to understand everything from his POV to get on the same page. I’m not really a DTF, need a “hot fuck” person. As mentioned, I need to care (even just a little) about someone if we’re going to be that intimate and let myself totally "let go" with him. I wanted to know my Bull will be sensitive to me and what my needs are before, during and after. I wanted my Bull to check in on me as a caring human, not romantic, and I liked that he would also check in with my husband. It’s like we created our own little Triad with solid communication like others have mentioned.

Strong Communications and setting clear expectations and loud consent REALLY HELPS! Incidentally, been reading the psychology boards and lots of wannabe Stag/C*ck husbands posts trying to sway their wives… they should really focus on this aspect above. IMO, if a wife doesn’t feel safe, loved and secure in her Hubby relationship and given consent (not coerced/guilted), it will never work out well or be super hard to get her to a yes.

Now that it’s been over a month and I’ve been learning more about ENM and all the flavors of sexuality, I realize I’m a Sapiosexual / Demisexual. I love the chase and banter of a flirty fresh relationship— I fall in Like/Lust with someone’s mind first. I do not wear my sexuality on my sleeve, I do have a lot of “good girl” hang ups and Catholic guilt sometimes. Bull S was very patient with me, explained how he wanted to treat me and we shared fantasies of what it could be like, so by the time we met face-to-face with my husband, we had a hunger and heat. After some drinks, it made taking the next natural step getting naked easier. (But I admit I hid in the ladies room for 20 minutes before coming out, LOL) That first meet was February 21, we meet almost weekly now.

BTW, other things I love MORE is the new sexy intimacy with my husband and feeling good about ME. I do dress up more, wear make up, smell delicious, buy lingerie and talk sexy-- that's all new. I love the pulse rush of a message from a lover or from my husband encouraging me. I even enjoy the nice rapport of our triad between Stag-Vixen-Bull, it feels authentic.

To the original Question: I prefer and needed a lot of communication, affirmation and patience. We texted a lot leading up to our first date, throughout the day learning about each other. Now that we are on maintenance we text like every other day. Easy friendly stuff e.g., “I desire and can’t wait to see you” type texts. We know we have other lives beyond hotwifing and where we stand-- my husband relationship will always be my primary.

Thanks for letting me share the long story. I'm actually outing myself here as no one in my life knows about this Hotwife lifestyle we're leading. Kinda feels good to share and engage in this forum.

My sense is that many wives might feel similarly to me-- especially if they’re like me been focused solely being a wife and mom, but cute and MILFy in the shadows. I really had a difficult time believing in my own desirability, but my dear Hubby saw it and wanted other men to help me believe it too. It has made our married sex life hotter with amazing pillow talk sharing, fantasizing and dreaming together. These benefits alone made being a Hotwife worthwhile to me. Cheers!