Good morning,

So I figured I'd update everyone as to our current situation. My apologies for the wall of text, I have a tldr at the bottom.

So my wife and her ex have continued to catch up and establish a friendship along with exchanging some spicy texts every so often. The wife and I have been having a bit of fun lately when she tells me what they talk about and has me read her conversations from time to time. However I still can't seem to shake the fear that her talking to her ex is gonna end up biting me in the ass, perhaps I never will. But the thing is that my wife has always had a guy friend that she confides in more than her female friends as they can be pretty judge at times. But her and her group of friends had a falling out a few years ago and she's sought out similar friendships since, with coworkers and other folks. My wife has told me that she would much rather prefer not fucking up this friendship with her ex by fucking him, but at the same time she's at the point where she's down to fuck him. So she herself is a bit conflicted, about that part, but keeps reassuring me that she would not fuck up what we have and what we've built. My biggest fear is that all this communication will have her eventually get feelings for this guy again, but she swears that this would not happen and if it starts happening, agrees she would stop right there.

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Another thing on my mind is that my vision for how this fantasy would go down has been wwaaaayyyy different in real life, and I suppose that's to be expected, but here's a few things that have changed;

1. originally I wanted only Vetted strangers, but she does not want to play with strangers, only people she has some sort of connection with. On top of that she's told me that she doesn't want me looking for dudes, that she would be the one to look for the dudes.
2. When bringing up rules, she understood my biggest rules, but got upset at the concept of rules in the first place as it she just felt like a pawn in my game. So as of right now, the only rules are to not fall in love with the other guy, document everything, and no overnight stays.
3. I would like to be there to watch and participate from time to time but she's stated that she wouldn't want me there at all, but that she would document everything and would set up a FaceTime call. This one is due to a fear that she has that I would play with the bull and that I would like that too much and end up leaving her for a dude, as she knows I am bi. This bummed me out a bit and I would wanna eventually watch, but she isn't really interested in threesomes or anything other than just sex with another for now.

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There are a few more things but the gist is that I feel like I've lost control over the situation, but have had internal conflicts as the word "control" also feels kind of wrong when we are doing this together. I am just struggling to shift my perspective to something that is more fair and realistic as ultimately she has final say as to wether she wants to take the plunge after all.

She decided it was finally time for them to schedule a meet up but that it be an innocent one. She she went hiking with him as they both really like hiking and being out in nature. The thing is, went to a place that is an hour or so drive from here and the hike itself she had noooooo reception, so I was on edge the whole time as I couldn't track her location and she wasn't able to text back. Perhaps the hike with no reception so far was a bad idea for a first encounter. However, the hike went well, they spent the whole day together and didn't end up playing which I kinda thought they would. Turns out the guy pumped the breaks on my wife's advances so she was absolutely sure she was doing this for herself and not just for me. This guy has been in the lifestyle and has witnessed marriages fail due to the couple not being in the right place and doing it for the right reasons. In order to keep things from being awkward they decided pretty early on in the day that they wouldn't mess around that day. I respect this dude and how he's been very respectful and considerate of our marriage, I have no problem with this dude at all, as a matter of fact, he has stated that he would love it if all three of us were to end up being buds.

Now, after the hike, she was HORNY AS FUCK and they both expressed that they used up every ounce of strength for restraint. She regrets not making bolder moves to test his resolve and he wishes he would have messed around too. She came up to me either the next morning or a day after that even and told me that she was ready to play. She wants to fuck him where he took her v card at his parents place, who are going on vacation in a month or two, and she wants to fuck him at their place. But in the meantime she also wants to continue to go out with him and maybe engage in a bit of foreplay here and there. She wants to do friend shit like, go out to Disney, more hikes, etc. Another thing is that I mentioned that maybe in order to not just focus on the ex, that she should play with others concurrently so she sees the value of keeping it fresh and moving on to new partners regularly and she agreed that she should. She already has 2 other potential dudes she might fuck, she's getting there little by little through conversation, she just wants it to be organic and not straight out, "DTF?"

I have more or less gotten over my issues with performance anxiety and we've actually been having more sex ourselves, which is great! I've also been working on myself, going to the gym more, working on personal projects, and have been eating better and trying to be a better version of myself. This was sparked by this knocking me out of my comfort zone and me being pretty competitive, but all in all I think the ends justify the means.

On top of that I somehow feel even more in love with my wife now. like, doing like doctor strange and playing out all the possible scenarios has made me appreciate what we have even more! She is also much happier as she feels more self confident and sexy. We are communicating way more now, making sure any issues get discussed and worked out right away as opposed to letting things build up. We have also been spending much more time together as before we were in a certain routine where I'd go and play video games after putting the kids to sleep and she would do something else. I still play from time to time but am focusing more on improving myself and my relationship.

So, alllllll of that to ask for a bit of input and feedback. How do you all see this situation? What would you do in my shoes? Do we proceed and dip our toes and continue to communicate? Do I try and put an end to this even though I think we are already past the point of no return?

What do you think, any feedback is appreciated.

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TLDR, Wife has been making a friend of her ex, I am a bit concerned they are going to end up catching feelings, and wife is ready to play.