First off I wanna thank everyone here for always being so positive and helpful, this is the only hotwife subreddit that feels real and is genuinely helpful.

Due to the need for discretion, this is really the only place i can talk about this and bring up a few questions and seek some advice.

My apologies for the long post below, there's a tldr at the bottom.

A little about us;

I brought up this hotwife fantasy with my wife before we even got married over 10 years ago, which she actually became intrigued about initially as far as using it for dirty talk, but was a hard no on making fantasy a reality. Little by little she has started playing along because she knows it gets me going. There was a time I fucked up big time by setting up a profile for her on sls to show her all the positive responses she'd get, however this was without her consent, I wanted to surprise her with it as a way to boost her confidence as her being a bbw is one of the reasons she is too self conscious to play. This set us back as she was pretty angry at that, so I dropped it and didn't bring it up for awhile.

Last year, an old coworker reached out to try and get at her, and this is when I found out what it was going to take for her to take the plunge; it had to be organic. She wants to know that she's still got it and her ideal scenario would be to get picked up on her own without me "setting things up" for her. They sexted for a bit but the guy was an idiot and nothing came of it. However, she started doing more things like going on omegle topless to try and get guys to cum.

Recently she told me about a naughty dream she had with an ex and sought him out to see what was going on with him. Started out innocent enough, chopping it up about how life has been for each since their split, but has now evolved into them sexting and exchanging pictures. She is totally digging turning him on and the crazy part is that she's divulged the fantasy and he is totally on board. This dude has been saying ALL the right things a bull should and has been super respectful and mindful. He understands the position we are in and all the trepidations we have about taking the plunge, and has addressed each one.

Things got very real and very fast, to the point where my wife had to pump the brakes a bit because we were already approaching planning. I reassured her though that we are going off her pace and if she wants to slow down we totally could and it would not be a problem as I want this to be something we both want and not something she'd be doing for me. I was thinking her, "oh shit. woah woah" reaction meant she was going to stop altogether but they are still texting and exchanging pix. Ultimately, the ball is totally in her court.

Now I do have some questions and I need a bit of advice;

1. Ideally, I would have liked her to only play with vetted strangers rather than folks we know, but this is out of the question for now as she doesnt wanna play with strangers. She had this idea of her ex that he was still a loser of sorts when she left, turns out the dude is now a totally different person who has alot of common interests as my wife. This worries me a bit as I don't want her to fall in love with this guy as he is now. I've communicated that with her as well, but both her and the ex have reassured me that they don't wanna mess with what we have, this would be friends with benefits only. How has that gone for some of you that have played with an ex?

2. Since things have gotten way more real and the fantasy feels suuuuper close to becoming reality, I've had a bit of "performance anxiety". I know this is me psyching myself out a bit, but its a bit disappointing that something that's gotten me sooooo hard to think about is within reach but I'm not rising to the occasion when needed. Has this happened to anyone and has it gotten better once it happens? I've communicated that it might be best for them to play alone if she decides to pull the trigger so my issues dont mess with the vibe. I would just reeeeaaallly like to be ready for reclamation and aftercare.

All of the objections she's had about doing this, I've addressed and made a good case in favor of doing it. Lately, what has made her lean towards doing this is that she never got the chance to play the field before we got married and is curious about what is out there.

I want to post the exchanges they've had as they are hot as fuck, but wont do it until i have permission. Once you all check those messages out, you might be tripped out by how perfect this dudes responses have been and how he is a good candidate for my wifes first. But.....my mind hasn't stopped going nuts about all the what ifs.....

Please advise and sorry for the long one.

TLDR: The hotwife fantasy to reality was initially a hard pass with the wifey, little by little she's warmed up to the idea of taking the plunge with her ex and we are THIS close to making fantasy a reality, I am just worried about her establishing an emotional connection with this guy, and at the same time I am wondering if I will eventually be able to rise to the occasion to join in the fun if and when it happens.