Tw for horse injury and death

I know it’s not my fault and that there was nothing I could have done differently. But it feels like my decisions doomed him and I feel so alone with my feelings.

I took my gelding out for a quick lunge Sunday evening and he managed to break his leg while cantering. Nobody knows why. The ground was fine, the canter was fine, he didn’t stumble or trip or buck or gallop or moved in any way unusual for him. He cantered and suddenly there was a loud bang. I thought he managed to pull a shoe and was already annoyed with him because he had just pulled one a week earlier. However he wasn’t putting any pressure on his leg. Not even two hours later he was euthanised. There was nothing we could do to save him.

I miss him so much, we were best friends and had so many plans together. He was only 15 and had a great future awaiting for him.

He died in the place he hated the most and was screaming for his friends the whole time. I know we had to put him out of his misery but I feel like I betrayed him.

The worst part is that lunging him wasn’t even planned. I was at the stables to muck out rq and only decided to lunge because there was no one else using the arena for once.

I never do that. I haven’t lunged him in ages. And I hate myself for that one out of pocket spontaneous idea.

I know it’s not my fault, that I couldn’t have done anything differently and I’m happy it happened when there was somebody to help him immediately and nobody was riding him.

But I miss him so much. And I feel so lonely without him. I regret spending so little time with him lately. I was busy and lazy and it was cold and rainy and icy. Now I wish I had gotten myself up just once more to groom him. He was the sweetest boy and didn’t deserve a death like that.

This is your sign to go spend another day with your horse <3 Any day could be the last