Made a Reddit account just for this as I really don't want to be found out and I can't ask anyone else who'd understand. I'm going to preface this by stating facts; I am 17, I own a 7yr old OTTB gelding I've restarted myself (he's doing great!), I've been seriously riding and training for about 1.5 - 2 years now at the same barn and haven't moved at all. I pay 650$ /month for full board and pay separately for any trims, bodywork, or supplements he gets (which I think is very fair). I also do twice-weekly lessons for ~400$ /month and will alternate between using lesson horses and my own.

The reason I'm posting is because I feel like I'm stuck. I don't feel like I'm getting what I need out of my trainer even though she hasn't done anything inherently 'wrong'. More so I just feel she favors other riders over me. I have a half schedule at school meaning I'm at the barn more than my own home. I help feed, ride people's horses for them, muck stalls, and help with whatever else I can free of charge because it's what I love to do and I don't mind doing it.

The first half year I was riding I was making steady and strong progress, I was doing things that made me proud of my riding, etc. But as time goes on, it feels like she's taking for granted my willingness to help to an extent. In lessons I began to feel ignored, like I wasn't worth teaching, and it became a problem where I broke down and wanted to move barns because I was so STUCK. Things improved for the most part but it's starting to feel that way again.

My trainer is and has been in a financial hardship due to her family and has moved to a new location after a long time at the old place which I don't doubt is hard on her and is making me feel guilty. In my years of riding, she has never told me I'm doing a good job, never said congrats, or was proud of me when I won Grand Champion 2x in a row and previously a Reserve (crossrails). It feels like she doesn't care about me at all, and any achievement I make isn't going to be enough for her. During one of my last jumper shows (I do about 4 per year to qualify for year-end finals, I'm currently reserve), I had no idea what the jumpoff course was or what to do, she wasn't there at all and I was completely alone so I had to beg another trainer to help me and I ended up doing the course twice (not what I was meant to do) and causing a problem for the judges.

I know she has other kids, but it's like I'm always on the backburner. Even during my lessons, I'm put on the w/t maybe canter horses or the ones no one else wants to ride, but as soon as I do enough to train those horses they're off limits to me. For example, is the current horse I show on. When she first got here, she bucked at the canter and would whip kids into jumps. I worked my ass off with her and when we finally got into a good groove, I was taken off of her and she was put into the lower lesson crossrail program. I have to beg to ride other horses capable of jumping, and even then she won't let me jump. I ride 7 days a week on a variety of horses and those with groundwork skills that are shakier than mine get to ride the 'fun' horses and do jumps. I haven't jumped in a lesson since the last show. Even the horse I show on I barely get to ride. Half the time when I'm warming up at a show it's the first time I've gotten to jump in months, and she doesn't like my OTTB so I feel guilty ever going past a w/t crossrail on him since that's all she allows in lessons (and he's not ready to move up quickly to higher work) all while I was previously cantering over 18" - 2' courses.

It's not even the jumping- I love dressage and would happily take a full flat lesson, but it's like I'm just paying to ride in an arena with other people... which is what I do anyway. There's barely any difference between the riding I do every day and the riding I do in my lessons and it's killing me. Most people by now would have left, but the issue is she's already pretty low on money, and I'd be taking away ~12,500$ a YEAR or about 1k a month which is a pretty heavy blow money-wise. I've never ridden seriously before her (only some trail rides and camps) and she's taught me everything I know, and it feels like there's no good solution.

I'm just stuck and need help on where to go. :(