I didn't grow up here, rather I was thrust in by my keepers. We needed a home and an escape. From what I never truly found out. I heard it comes for you in the night when good boys and girls go to sleep and visit the angels. I never understood this story and their strange superstitions. The children around me created an atmosphere that felt unreal. I blended in well enough remaining mute when no eyes traveled to me. They were none the wiser though I had to wonder if they knew. We have a keen sense that picks up things the longer we are exposed to something. They were exposed to me hours on end from daylight to day break when we would all go home to be with our families.

We've all got things to hide and stories we use to create fear in places where there are none. I learned that in a more subtle change then a violent outburst. Violent outbursts were bad and that meant the monsters would get you. One day we were playing tag and it devolved into a game of hide and seek. I always felt like the game was a ruse to get me, or someone they didn't like, away from them so they could discuss the problem. They held private congregations often during hide and seek and I pretended not to know.

I would hide to my usual spot behind a jagged rock and rest my head against it. I would be here for a while. One of the kids was particularly agitated when I had made them it. It made no difference to me. My keepers wanted to leave again I was sure of it. They spoke in urgent hushed tones about things I didn't understand at the time. That's the virtue of being young and dumb I suppose. We know about the dangers but never fully comprehend or grasp just how damaging those things can be to you. It's when we are placed in volatile situations and your near future is shaped by those bigger and stronger than you who turn their fists at you instead of at someone else.

All you know is you shouldn't think that way and that you should sit in the snow while the adults, the ones who know everything, do as they want and please. Children were no different. Born selfish and needy they triumphantly walk without a sense of self and only an air of importance. They wear a shield of ignorance and a limited world view. Coupled with extreme religious backgrounds and stories to shape them in narrow molds they stunt themselves. Arrogance is born from ignorance and it only grows with them.

I was no different. I'll never be different than them because I was shaped by a world created by people around me. The strangeness of it all was empty of threats. I was an honorary bad child my whole upbringing. Why had the devil not come for me then? Why now are rhetorical nonsense being forced into my head? I've seen no monsters creeping in the dead of night to take me away from the blessed life my keepers gave me. And for that I am bitter and unlucky. My resentment of the situation only grows and I have a feeling something much worse would breach my horizon.

And at the moment I knew of no way out from here. All I knew is that I was invalid; the odd one out. The truth would remain until I die by my own hands or by the hands of those around me.

Here I was and yet no one came to get me. The sun seemed to have inched lower into the sky. Living on a mountain, this was troubling. I would be home late, I would face the consequences of my inaction. I couldn't look away from the setting sun and I still sat as the sky turned dark. No one came to get me even if they knew where I was. I suppose this was fine. I would live through the night and return to tell a tale of no monsters. I knew they'd believe me. Those kids left me here for a reason. They wanted to prove a point about myself with a lessons I would never forget. And I would beg for God's light to grace me and save my soul from a monster that existed not in the realm of man but in the realm of man's mind.

I already knew how dark man's mind could be. As young as I was I couldn't grasp how deep darkness could be. I thought it was just a room without a light but instead it was a pit that swallowed you whole. It's a place of no escape, a place where your screams are eaten. You fell until you felt tar grab your legs and pull you down until it held and submerged you completely. This is how the infection spreads from one to another creating more tar pits replacing the light within you. The more tar that was added the deeper the pit grew. There's still going to be a light within it one you would have the find on your own. I will never be cleansed of this filth. No one that was given this infectious process of thoughts will ever be clean.

And there is a light even if we can't see it or feel it in our hearts and souls. It is a wish, a wish for change and a new strain of hope that will cleanse us of our given virtues. A wish to be removed from existence as we know it.

And in this slog of thoughts I feel cold. The mountain nights are unkind but still I would not move from my spot. Like feathers of baby birds the snow drifts down and gathers around me. It will build up through the night and I accept that I won't make it to see the sun. The wolves will carry me off into the dark or they too will see me a burden unfit to eat. They'll herd the young away from the spoiled meat in search of something tender and whole.

My perception of myself is skewed. It has always been skewed. Find no solace in that fact and move on without hesitation. The night goes on and I can hear no sounds of merry enchantment coming from within them. The homes are usual alive with the parents finishing off the day's chores after setting the children to bed. Again the sharpened stick is driven into my heart rooting me in place by the rock. They wanted me gone. They all did.

I wasn't sure what to expect from the village people. Surely this made sense. I never flinched the face of danger or the story of monsters. Death was quick and often forgiving in nature. What hurt me the most was how easily the my keepers- my parents- turned their backs on me. This wasn't the first and it will never be the last if I survive. I knew they would do this and still it hurt. It hurt to breathe and there in my chest was a deep churning twisted and ripping up my already fragile heart. I was alone but I was always alone. What was different now?

What was different was the voice in my head, my only comfort, crying out for my parents. The parents I deserved who cherished my existence and cared if I was being hurt. Who would rush to stop it and cry for me. Instead they cried for themselves. They selfishly stole my life from me and in the end left me needing. A child shouldn't have to imagine a world that was safe to play in, a home that was bright, or a room that didn't hide monstrous men in the shadows. I should have gotten these things.

I didn't. I didn't and I thought I accepted this and was ready to forget about it. I am just a child. A child shouldn't be left to wonder in wild. My tears turned to ice on my face. The only sound in the world was quiet sobbing. The snow made sure it never traveled past the rock. In the flurry of the snow I could hear the crunching of paws. It's steps were not worried about the world around it. It knew full well it would not be shot and skinned tonight. I stopped crying and listened the crunching of the snow as the creature drew closer to the rock.

I found it odd that the steps never stopped. Instead it moved with purpose and in one clear direction. The crunching was incredibly light, I half expected it to be a wolf cub of some sort. The way it moved suggested otherwise. It was too confident to be a cub away from its mother. I felt the splinter in my heart twist a bit. No pain showed on my face, just dull curiosity.

Soon the steps were close enough it caused me to tense. I was pressed against the rock with my cheek against it. I tried to hide myself hoping the animal would go away. Instead of turning it stepped into view moving around the rock. It never so much as glanced at me. I was caught in awe of the terrible beast before me.

It was a wolf. No dog on the mountain could match the size of it. The pelt was impossibly dark and shined under the light of the half moon. It swallowed the snowflakes that touched its fur. The ears were long and pointed and it's snout was the same. It made no noise as it sat near me. Instead it stared out into the forest across the stream. Not a soul in the village went into the forest. They spoke of witches and unholy beings roaming the hidden land in search of pure souls.

The beast blinked slowly. It turned it's head to face me. The movement was smooth and unnerving. Somehow I knew it's head shouldn't be able to stretch the way that it did without moving its body. Now it faced me and I had no time to fixate on its stance. I was entranced by its glowing white eyes that looked through my organic appearance. Instead it seemed to dissect the apparatus of my being searching for something that it saw as important and necessary. I wasn't sure what it wanted but I didn't pull away from the creature. It moved closer to me until I could feel it's heated nose a mere touch away. It wasn't breathing and from this close I could see the faint stars in its eyes. It's fur wasn't fur at all but an intense void full of stardust and rich purple hues.

I don't know what I was seeing before me tonight. I only knew that it could not be swayed by mortal opinions and emotions. It was a regal creature that held its head up and walked among the stars. It was everything and nothing, the reconstruction of matter itself. I was met with a phenomenon of which nothing in my life could prepare me for. Though so young and immeasurably insignificant I knew such greatness could not be out version of god. Where it came from there was only cycles and webs without a being creating and causing disasters and miracles.

This creature was teeming with life but was so still before me. And it stared deep into my mind, a place where I can not hide away my truest feelings. Do you know what it's like to be trapped? Living lifetimes in just a few hours? Sometimes it's painful and dredged on other times we notice nothing about the world. We pass into a state of mind where time becomes meaningless and feels like it cannot touch you.

The sun was high in the sky when the wolf made a brisk pace towards the tree line. I was shocked by its sudden disappearance and turned to see it stop. In the sunlight I could see that the beast was larger than I had previously thought. It's legs were long and slender while it's body was wide. It's shoulder blades jutted out from its back. The fur spiked all along it's neck and spine down towards its tail. The tail itself dragged lightly over the snow leaving no trace it had ever been there. It stared back at me as it melted into the shade of the trees. Voices rang out behind me as life resumed in the chattering with the birds that swooped and careened towards the oblique skies above.

I heard the voices of parents ring out the loudest from the village. Their merriment hardly struck me as I was. The night with the wolf had brought me a form of clarity. I now held that little light in my hand. I felt nothing. Every movement felt like I was walking among the stars. The wolf waited as I moved closer. Just before I reached the shade casted by the tall pines, the sounds of joy trailed off and simply died in its place. I turned to look behind me as I too melted into the trees.

I left no footprints in the snow.