I f(23) have a hard time making/keeping friends now. My mom took me out of school at 12 to “homeschool” me with the conspiracy that if I stayed in school the government would send us to concentration camps(needless to say it didn’t happen) My mom would seem to get jealous/upset if I wanted to go out and spend time with my friends so most of the time I had to stay home and just stay in my room and I barely ever left the house at all until I ran away at 18.

There would be times I would ask how she expected me to be able to make memories or have any life experiences if she never allowed me to leave the house and she would tell me “I already lived and experienced these things so you wouldn’t have to.”🙃

That’s a summary of things although I could write so many stories about what I went through those years.

Anyways it’s been 5 years since I left and became independent on my own and I still struggle making/keeping friends. I love the idea of having girls to talk to and spend time with, but even when I have girls who want to be my friend I feel like it doesn’t work out long term because we’re just not the same ?

They’re able to socialize normally and I just can’t. I get scared to hang out with people for long periods of time because I get overstimulated and I go mute. I completely zone out and it’s so hard for me to keep a conversation.

Anytime I would try to hang out with a girl (which is only one in all these years) I would have to drink to make myself more talkative and it’s just not healthy for me to do that.

I worked a job all this time and I would have work friends and people I could somewhat talk to while working but never anyone in my free time to talk to. I feel like I’m just behind everyone my age and I can’t make myself into the things they are even though I want to be.

Idk I just feel so lonely and wish it was easier for me to catch up to everyone else 🥲 I’ve been thinking about taking college classes, but I’m not sure if that’s the best way to make friends or not? I’m a very shy person Idk.