Long time lurker, first time poster, coming in hot with some ancient drama from the military vehicle enthusiast community. It’s a tale of obsession, conspiracies and inflated egos. Put a pot of coffee on and get comfortable, because this is gonna be a long one.

But first, a quick primer.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone to know that military vehicle enthusiasts are a thing - you’ve got car enthusiasts, railfans and planespotters. Why should, say, tanks be excluded?

Some are content to read and talk about them with fellow enthusiasts. Some do photography. There’s a lot of overlap with scale modelling. Others go to museums like Bovington to see examples of historical vehicles. And some (exceptionally rich) individuals even purchase and restore old vehicles Here’s a fun fact: The Terminator himself is one of them. Some are in the hobby because they appreciate military history - others just do it because hey, tanks are pretty badass.

Just like in any enthusiast community, the community of military vehicle enthusiasts is diverse, with a number of high-profile names. And just like any other community, not all of these people are high-profile for the right reasons…

The man who would Spark so much drama

”Michael "Mike" Sparks is a well-known, published U.S. military NCO, officer and author dating back to the early 1980s with many works online; however there are some liars and criminal libelers who refuse to face this preponderance of FACTS in their reckless disregard for the truth.”

Honestly, when your official bio opens with that, you know you’re in for a good one.

While there are many people in the community of military vehicle enthusiasts, few dredge up as much mockery as Mike Sparks (or Sparky, as others call him), US army paratrooper and military enthusiast. As someone with many years of military experience and a strong interest in military vehicles, Sparky has opinions about how things like military vehicle design and tactics. And oh boy, did he have some hot takes. To advocate for these ideas, he created the 1st Tactical Studies Group (Airborne), hosted on his website, Combat Reform (content warning: contains bad late-90s web design).

Don’t let the impressive (and borderline masturbatory) name fool you though - it’s really just him and his bloated ego shouting into the void, luring in the occasional passer-by who doesn’t know any better.

I don’t actually know if it’s accurate to say he was ever truly credible - even in the primordial internet, there was always a little bit of that trademark Sparky insanity lurking just underneath the surface. That having been said, he was credible enough to be a regular guest columnist for a number of magazines, and his sheer output made him one of the more prolific names in the military enthusiast scene. In the very early days at least, Sparky started off as someone who actually made reasonable suggestions and arguments (or at least, ones that seemed that way on the surface).

Not going to lie, many of his earlier ideas had merit - for example, suggesting helmets with redesigned chinstraps. He was also a vocal critic of America’s oversized military-industrial complex, as well as an early opponent of the army’s much-despised “universal” camouflage pattern).

From what I can gather, he built up a bit of a following in military and military vehicle enthusiast circles, even getting a small following of people who would signal boost his ideas. There was period of time in the late 90’s to early 2000’s where you could find his articles in enthusiast magazines and even official military publications, or link to his website and have people reply with “huh, that’s actually not a bad idea”.

Of course, we wouldn’t be here if that was what he stuck to, would we?

While most of his early ideas were reasonable, he had some others that… well, weren’t. Many just weren’t fully thought-out, like attaching bulletproof plates to the fronts of rifles. Over time however, the impracticality started to escalate, to the point where a lot of them just didn’t make sense. Like, at all. In fact, a lot of them are kind of batshit crazy:

• Bringing Vietnam-era tanks back because “modern ones weigh too much”
• Converting commercial 747s into bombers and using commercial cargo ships as aircraft carriers
• Replacing helicopters with gliders because reasons
• Submarine aircraft carriers (don’t ask me how that’s supposed to work)
• His vitriol for anything related to the Marines

Of course, it would be one specific saga that would turn sparky into a figure of ridicule among military enthusiast circles…

Introducing our other “main character”

I’d like everyone here to meet the M113 Armored Personnel Carrier. Say hi, everybody.

While it may not look like much, in the words of Han Solo, she’s got it where it counts. First produced in 1960, the ‘113 is a vehicle designed with one job in mind: to ferry squads of soldiers around the battlefield while protecting them from gunfire. Basically, it’s a glorified shuttle bus, earning itself the nickname “battle taxi”. It isn’t a particularly glamorous job, but it’s one that the M113 family happily performed for decades. Today, tens of thousands of these boxes on treads are still in use, forming the backbones of dozens of armies around the world (the US alone still operates a couple thousand of the things). Owing to its low cost, reliability and versatility, the basic design has been modified and changed into just about everything you can think of, from battlefield ambulances, to mobile radar dishes, to cargo trucks and even light tanks - you name it, and there’s a M113 derivative for you.

Of course, as a vehicle designed in the 50’s and which debuted in Vietnam, it’s getting a bit long in the tooth. It’s cramped and uncomfortable, the armor is mediocre even by 60’s standards (and downright pitiful by modern ones), its small size seriously limits its upgrade potential, and it struggles to keep up with today’s tanks. Many countries have started shopping around for more modern options, and it’s more-or-less been relegated to supporting roles far behind the frontlines.

🎵”Mike and Gavin sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G”🎵

Why am I putting so much effort into explaining the army’s workhorse vehicle? Simple: Mike Sparks has a bit of an obsession with it.

Visit his site, and you’ll notice that The Little Box That Could pops up in a lot of the images. You might also notice that a lot of his proposed “reforms” tend to focus on this little vehicle.

Before I explain Sparky’s obsession with the vehicle however, it’s important to mention names. Since WW2, the vast majority of American armored vehicles have been named after important generals. The M113 is one of the few exceptions to this rule, however and for Sparky, that simply wouldn’t do. Since the 90’s, he has more-or-less been leading a one-man crusade to get the M113 renamed Gavin in honor of a general who was particularly influential in the development of America’s paratroopers.

Put a pin in that, because we’ll be coming back to it later (also, I’ll be using “Gavin” a lot more from here on - not because I endorse Sparky’s ideas, but because it’s easier to read. Also, I think giving a war machine such an ordinary, middle aged accountant-sounding name is funny).

But back on topic. Where were we? Oh yeah, Sparky is a big fan of the M113.

To him, it’s the solution to just about any problem you can think of. In the beginning, his pet project was sort of reasonable - his big idea was speed and agility, and the “Gavin”, being a relatively small, light and flexible vehicle with a long history of being adapted into other roles, was a natural fit.

Of course, bolting, say, a long-range missile launcher onto a “Gavin” is one thing - turning it into a fucking combat plane is something else. And before you ask, yes, I’m serious about that last part - Mike Sparks blessed (or cursed, depending on who you ask) us with the hypothetical M113-A8 AeroGavin. No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you, this is a serious, unironic proposal to make “Gavin” fly.

Sparky would take his “Gavin”-centric ideas of military theory to the same magazines that featured his articles years ago. Only, now they wouldn’t take him (for obvious reasons). Okay, no problem - who needs magazines when we’ve got the internet, the greatest tool for democratizing information? He quickly changed gears, instead focusing on the biggest military enthusiast blogs and forums around, where people received them with the same careful consideration that his earlier ideas had be- haha, no, he was laughed out of the room, with even the most casual enthusiasts dunking on him.

Here’s the thing with Sparky, though: he’s determined to see his ideas become reality, no matter how badly he shreds his reputation in the process.

And shred his reputation he did. When other users pointed out that maybe strapping wings to an unaerodynamic box wouldn’t work, or that perhaps that military technology has come a long way since the 1950s, he didn’t take it lying down. No, he fired back in long, unbroken screeds in ANGRY ALL-CAPS TO SHOW THE HE MEANS BUSINESS. Most of it has been lost to time, but I did manage to find some remnants of Sparky insanity here and there. Here’s his response when current service members questioned his credentials:

”Let's talk about this false LIBEL being thrown around against me by some weaklings who cannot win an argument on FACTS and merit. To falsely accuse someone is not only criminal and unprofessional, it's a LACK OF HONOR since its driven by a lack of HUMILITY to admit that someone just might have given the USMC all any sane person should withstand and walked away concluding it's fucked up. (swear words intentional to get point across). This BS that I have to "suffer damages" from any libelous lies is yet more proof that those using that as a loophole have no honor; they go to whatever the lowest common denominator of law or social PCness they can get away with. They are malignant and malicious. Before the 1963 Supreme Court ruling to save the New York Times from a libel case YOU HAD BETTER HAVE SOME EVIDENCE BEFORE YOU PUT SOMETHING IN PRINT. Before 1963, the Freedom of Speech was for TRUE SPEECH; you couldn't LIE and say "Fire!" in a crowded theatre any more than you could knowingly LIE in print about someone you hate. How tragic America has slid into a Nazi fascist state! We have perverted the intention of our Founding Fathers to use FREEDOM TO LIVE ACCORDING TO OUR CONSCIENCE into ANARCHY that everyone has a license to subjectively state any BS they want in public and not do any due diligence to show an honest regard for OBJECTIVE TRUTH determined from the facts.”

Even the most level-headed objections (like, for example, “dude, you can’t just strap wings to a box and expect it to fly”) were responded to with vicious, personal attacks. Sparky would also take swings at other enthusiast for the crime of having different personal favourite vehicles, especially if it was one that the army had thought about using to supplement or even replace his pet vehicle - something that didn’t exactly make him any friends.

Now imagine him doing this to just about every major blog or forum in the community. Needless to say, he got a lot of pushback against his ideas, and that’s putting it lightly. Some tried explaining patiently - others fired back with their own outraged, ALL-CAPS rants about why he was an idiot. In almost all cases, he was swiftly banned. And military blogs and tank enthusiast forums weren’t the only places where Sparky made himself known, either...

Sparky declares war on Wikipedia

Remember how I mentioned his campaign to get the M113 renamed Gavin? Yeah, turns out he carried out an edit war on Wikipedia for a couple years in the 2000’s - if he couldn’t convince army leadership to do it, then he would force the issue.

You can check out the discussion pages here and here if you have time to kill and don’t mind killing some of your brain cells, but honestly you could just take a look at all the mentions of the word “Gavin” in the table of contents to see how long he’s been at it.

The gist of it was that Sparky or one of his flying monkeys would come in and edit the Wikipedia article for the M113 to include the “Gavin” name, before somebody else would correct it. He’d then get pissy in the comments, arguing citing “thousands of soldiers who refer to it by that name” and directly insulting anyone who disagreed.

Note that with 80K units produced, the M113 is one of the most prolific military vehicles in the world. And that meant a lot of people out there - including many Wikipedia users he was arguing with - who had actually, you know, worked with the damn things on a day-to-day basis. You had users from the US, Germany, Australia, Israel and just about every other country that bought M113s chiming in to say that they’d never heard anyone call it Gavin in their entire careers, even as a nickname.

Not that it stopped Sparky from whipping out the personal insults:

”Tankguy is a liar and a lemming to the bureaucracy who is envious that others with more initiative than him have successfully accomplished something to make America's Army better… In the interest of factual clarity, the Wiki article should ignore envy-driven, non-factual comments and stop contradicting the obvious reality that the M113 Gavin is the unofficial nickname for this outstanding vehicle in use by THOUSANDS of people. Sour grapes are not the basis of anything--but an individual who scorns the truth.”

Other users would respond by reverting the article, citing a lack of actual hard evidence, only for Sparky to return and sneakily add it back. Some people even proposed a compromise just to settle the whole issue, suggesting a short 2-3 sentences mentioning “Gavin” as a disputed nickname. But Sparky was resolute - it would be all-or-nothing with him, demanding the entire page be renamed with his trademark fury.

Rinse-and-repeat for close to 4 years.

It finally came to a close when some intrepid Wikipedians dug deeper and tracked down the very first verifiable mention of the “Gavin” nickname - and wouldn’t you know it, it comes from our good friend Sparky, circa 1998. Case closed - the page was locked until Sparky gave up, realized he wouldn’t win or (most likely) was IP banned altogether, and nowadays the Wikipedia page is completely free of any Gavin references.

Digging deeper: is Sparky really who he says he is?

Needless to say, his aggressive approach made people curious and drew eyeballs to him - and not necessarily the types he wanted.

Someone even set up a whole-ass blog dedicated to questioning whether Sparky was even in the army at all - needless to say, Sparky found it pretty quickly and made himself known in the comments section, demanding the blogger post their own identity first (before rejecting all the proof offered) and giving us gems like:

If you want some attention, try being a DECENT PERSON who ASKS AND GETS THE FACTS–so as to NOT POST LIES ON THE INTERNET. Then you might have more FRIENDS.”

Other people from within the military vehicle enthusiast community started digging, and discovered that yes, he was in fact an actual soldier. But not a paratrooper, like he claimed - no, his actual role in the army was as a parachute rigger. That’s right, he was the one packing the chutes, not jumping out of planes with them (EDIT: I've been informed that riggers still go through parachute training, so he's technically not lying - however, it's pretty clear that he's trying to imply that he had a combat role, which is false).

People started scrutinizing other parts of his career, too. Sparky was very proud of the fact that he held the rank of lieutenant, which is basically the bottom rung in military middle management, and it’s what you’re promoted to straight out of officer school - high enough to be disconnected from the regular troops, but too low to have any meaningful responsibility. Just look at the entries on Urban Dictionary to get an idea of what people typically think of this rank. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with being an LT - by his own admission though, Sparky was a lieutenant for close to 30 years without promotion. Enthusiasts also discovered that Sparky had flunked out of officer school for the Marines before transferring to the army reserve (hence his vendetta towards that branch). Not exactly a stellar military career.

There’s more out there that’s been lost, but honestly, this should give you a pretty good idea of his approach towards discussion, and his credentials. Needless to say, he didn’t exactly earn himself many friends with his, shall we say, “spirited” approach, nor did his increasingly questionable ideas (don’t ask me how they’re supposed to land, because I have no ideas either). With his aggressive attitude and questionable bonafides, he was swiftly banned from most major forums, and his cadre of reformers quietly backed away from him while whistling innocently, leaving a small handful of diehard supporters (who may or may not be sock puppets, it’s a bit hard to tell).

Where are they now?

Mike Sparks, he quickly went from someone with some good ideas to military vehicle enthusiasts’ punching bag. Saying the word Gavin is enough to get people memeing about how an M113 is totally viable plane/submarine/battleship. Some video games have added his abominations “vehicle proposals” into their rosters as jokes. There’s even footage of someone asking a panel of professional tank historians about it, to the groans/laughter of everybody in the room

Still, Sparky hasn’t Gavin up yet (I’m so sorry), and continued to pop up here and there with his ideas (though it looks like his website is under new management nowadays). Today, he’s branched out and gone full-blown conspiracy, and even published a book. Needless to say, the little remaining credibility he still enjoyed quickly evaporated.

And what of “Gavin”, the little box-on-treads whose mere existence kicked all of this off? The M113 continues to serve in dozens of armies around the world, and its users have been pretty much completely unaffected by all of this. However, its time is starting to come to an end as the family approaches a much-deserved retirement - many countries have started phasing their vehicles out, with the US recently choosing its M113 successor (based on a vehicle Sparky absolutely hates, incidentally).

And when those new vehicles start turning up in numbers, we’ll probably get more Sparky madness. For now however, the guns are silent.