Dear HS,

I received your return announcement last evening after my shower. Like a torrid lover you have left your marks visible as reminder of your presence and enduring attention.

Now we mustn’t lie for ours, is an abusive relationship. You came to me in my youth and brought pain, fear and self loathing. I felt gross and ashamed of our time together. At a young age that shame kept me from participating with others my own age. I hid my pain and hoped the others couldn’t smell you on me.

But HS, over the years your visits have also given me so much. The isolation you require, let me know myself, what I’m capable of doing. In your absences, I enjoy life more fully. When others complain of the mundane, I rejoice. For I know the pain, the loneliness of not being able to do even the most mundane of tasks.

HS my dear, you have given me some sweet gifts along our journey. When you finally open up and leave, there is an exhilarating feeling of freedom and an endorphin rush that carries me through my next week. And let’s not forget the lesson of resilience you’ve taught me over the years. Whereas once I would hide my body in shame, I now openly show your love marks at the pool or as I stand naked with a loved one.

So return to me again HS. I am ready.