I was freshly 18 basically when the 42 year old took my virginity. Stealthed me. Claimed me. Marked me and made me his. He tried to convert/correct me into a good straight girl for him. I was only 18 I didn’t understand why he wanted me to call him my old man or why he made me pretend to be his daughter or niece at the hotels. I remember waking up to him forcing himself inside me. Mumbling “mm mm” while half asleep until his cock woke me up. He didn’t stop even when I tried to move away. He cried and blamed me when I brought it up. He was the first grown man to slap me. I cried silently and told him to let it go. So when I brought it up I was exaggerating and lying. It was just a love tap. That’s why I cried when that girl slapped me in bed for the first time. That’s why I forced myself to stop crying, numb and alert, just so she could finish toying with my body. I’m just a toy now that risks its safety to feel better about the trauma only to regret how easy I made myself for the next abuser.