It made me less productive, and its opposite made me more productive?

It made me less happy, and its opposite made me more happy?

It made me less healthy, and its opposite made me more healthy?

It made me less emotionally resilient, and its opposite made me more emotionally resilient?

It made me less moral, and its opposite made me more moral?

It made my creative output worse, and its opposite made my creative output better?

It made me easier to manipulate, and its opposite made me harder to manipulate?

Creating habits and routines immediately and completely KILLS any and all motivation I have for a task. What motivates me is whether I’m naturally motivated by the thing itself or not. The end goal isn’t enough. If I’m not motivated already, nothing can or will motivate me. I’m not a fat indecisive loser wasting my time playing video games and hating myself, I don’t have a “distraction problem.” It’s not a schema, it’s not pathological demand avoidance. Self-discipline is just worse than useless to me. It’s detrimental. It means nothing. Setting timers, making small daily goals, removing distractions, putting thoughts aside, doing ANYTHING I don’t want to do at the moment, etc. is a bad habit on its own. I wasted years of my life buying into self-discipline.

I’ve already figured out what works for me, thanks. Only complete hedonism has ever worked for me, and it has worked well. ANY AND ALL routine or cultivated habit, on the other hand, has been 100% bad for me with nothing good in the short or long term.

I know what discipline is—it’s not my definition that’s wrong. There isn’t a healthy way for me to exercise it and there never will be.

Why is discipline good? What is self-discipline supposed to be good for? All it’s ever brought me is unproductivity, weakness, misery, moral-philosophical hypocrisy and mediocrity. So what’s left to justify cultivating it?