REVOLUTION 2020

(The rest of the Revolution results are the same).

J.R.: Well folks, we've just seen one helacious match from the Hangman Page, Kenny Omega and the Young Bucks, by god that match has been burned into my retina and I will never be able to cry again.

Excalibur: JR I'd make love to you right now if it weren't for the mask on my face hiding the emotions I carry, that's how good the match was. But first, we're going backstage to Darby Allin who's coming off successful in his match against Guevara.

Cuts to backstage where Darby is practicing kickflips off a sleeping Tully Blanchard.

Interviewer: Darby, you've just defeated a competitor who's had a career much like yourself, up and coming through the Independent scene before making such a big splash here in AEW, what's next for Darby Allin?

Darby: My world is darkness...... Day and night rolls round for me like the wheels on my skateboard..... I receive message from the darkness, and from Twitter, telling me to shut the fuck up about WWE on a daily basis. You will never know my pain. If I created an OnlyFans, I'd make a disgusting amount of money. I am beyond the need of championships as I have ascended to the next stage of Emo....

Right at that moment, a bucket of liquid is thrown at Darby from off screen, covering him in it. Darby stands there drenched and dripping, some of the liquid sliding it's way into his mouth before he starts spitting it out. The interviewer's face has turned from one of shock to disgust, changing to a meekish pale colour. She covers her mouth and moves off screen.

All of a sudden, the perpetrator appears, it's NEW JACK.

The crowd goes fucking ballistic, J.R. & Excalibur turn away from staring lovingly into each others eyes to spot the madman on screen.

J.R.: Who the?? I don't understand, who is this man and what the Hell is going on??

Excalibur: J.R. We need to pack up and move outta here soon, because now that New Jack has arrived in AEW we're all in trouble. One of the most dangerous men in the wrestling scene and he's came to the big leagues, perhaps to send a message and Darby Allin appears to be his first victim.

New Jack looks smugly at Darby as he walks off, Darby is trying to keep his composure, despite the taste of the liquid visibly affecting him.

DYNAMITE

(The TNT tournament is announced this week).

Dave Meltzer is live on the Wrestling Observer Live Podcast discussing Revolution.

Meltzer: Uhhh... yeah.. then we had uhm that backstage um segment with Darby & New Jack, which was just uhm kinda fucky. Apparently Darby uhm..... apparently Darby was meant to be splashed with a bucket of uhm water..... water yeah uhm but from what I've uhm heard.... the bucket was uhm genuinely filled with Human Urine. New Jack uhm denies everything, the police are involved right now but the program is uhm still going ahead.

Cut to Dynamite, Darby Allin comes out to the ring on his skateboard, does a 180 off a 4 year old in the crowd and grabs a mic.

Darby: New Jack..... you think prison is where you belong.... Let me tell you..... that my darkness is deeper than any prison you'll ever be in.... you'll regret what you did to me... like all those others who accused me of paying a girl to drink toilet water....

Suddenly, without any music playing, New Jack hits the stage holding a steel chair and a black bin bag with something heavy in it. New Jack doesn't have a microphone and starts shouting indiscernible obscenities that only the first few rows of people can understand.

He charges the ring, flinging the bin bag at Darby forcing him to drop his guard and take a wallop from the steel chair to the head. With Darby laid out, New Jack legitimately starts tea-bagging him live on television, a clearly visible hole can be seen in New Jack's trousers where a single bollock is spotted hanging out. Darby keeps still but purses his lips.

New Jack: I want this white boy next week!

J.R.: This just in from Tony Khan, New Jack Vs. Darby Allin has been confirm for next week in a first round match in the new TNT Championship tournament.

Excalibur: Why can't you love me like I love you, J.R.?

THE FOLLOWING DYNAMITE

Both competitors have made their way to the ring, New Jack still does not have any ring music and still has the bag with him..

J.R.: And here we go, New Jack Vs. Darby Allin, New Jacks first match here in AEW. I cannot wait to see what this talent has to offer.

Excalibur: I bet you didn't ignore King like how you ignore my messages at night.... oh but wait, I'm receiving a message... from TONY KHAN. Apparently they found a.... can I say that on tv? yeah? ok they found an old used gonorheria testing kit that belong to New Jack and compared it to the urine found in the bucket that soaked Darby. The DNA matches....

Police officers start making their way down the ramp to arrest New Jack as the bell is rung. Darby & New Jack start circling each other until New Jack notices the police. He grabs his bin bag and makes a run for it through the crowd.

J.R.: We'll there you go folks, it seems that Darby Allin is gonna win via countout. He will advance to the next round and become one step closer to his dream.

Excalibur: You're my dream, J.R.

WRESTLING OBSERVER LIVE

Metlzer: So uhh... the Darby, New Jack thing uhmm match. It turns out that New Jack actually had a dead puppy in uhmm that bag for like tw-two uh weeks. It was his nieces puppy and uhhhhh....

Alvarez: MINUS 5 STARS.