Let's pretend I'm a person, and my emotions are a fire. I've been having strange observations with emotions and the concept of alexithymia, the absence of being able to feel emotions, and trying to describe how my relationship with my emotions changed recently.

I would describe myself as unattached to my emotions, but not emotionally numb in the slightest. In fact, I'm detached yet feel the full breadth of emotions. Some may attribute this to me numbing out or being in denial of having alexithymia. But, here's the thing. I'm even more sensitive than I've ever been to my emotions. Yet, it's not like a teenager constantly being drawn into their emotions and being consumed by them by being drawn by their flame and being burned by it.

Let's go back to playing pretend say I am a person and my emotions are a fire. I have numbed myself before, and I would describe it as turning my back on the fire and being so far removed from it I no longer felt it's heat. I could not see it's tiny-ness or it's towering presences. This is not what I experience with my emotions anymore.

Now I am someone who has great respect for the flames. Whether it be big or small, I am at a distance where I can see it's full depths. I can feel it's warmth, whether it be furious or gentle. I seldom get close enough to be burnt by the fire, I am not allured to it like when I was a teenager. That would be to mistake myself for the flame; rushing into it to be consumed by it. I am sensitive to it's presence. It lights up the background and it's flames shine and warm up everything within it's light. The flame touches me, but I am not the flame. Yet, the flame and I aren't two separate things at all :3