There I said it. Its the truth and I subjectively say that I have extreme alexithymia. I have been into self help my entire life and I have come to realize that the primary blocker that stops me from improving in an area is my emotions.

The physical sensations I feel from emotions is too strong and painful. I hate them and am scared of them. I've tried to listen to online advice which is to "pay attention to your feelings, notice them, accept them, and let them move on like the waves in an ocean". When I do this they just intensify and it becomes overwhelming and they do not go away. A long bout of negative emotions can stay for days, but then it just randomly goes away and I feel light. I have absolutely no why why it goes away when it does. It is completely random.

I need some sort of exposure technique for emotions. If I try to be mindful and pay attention to how I feel when I'm not experiencing any emotions, then I feel nothing and can't identify anything. It is either all or nothing. Even when it is strong emotions all I can identify is a tight jaw, fast heartbeat, and my stomatch feels weird. I'm unable to go beyond that.

Basically anything that involves me confronting how I feel is terrifying and scary to me.