There is a common saying that 'the best ones are taken' (or get 'taken fast') and I always question this. The argument is a stable person is likely to be in a LTR and therefore not on the market, and even once on the market, they will get swooped up quickly.

However, I have personally gotten to know many gay couples over the years (relationships, engaged, married etc) and I rarely found a couple that were not borderline toxic. Either they felt the 'spark' because they have attachment issues (one is avoidant, one is anxious), they are heavily co-dependant (or in city life are basically using eachother to split rent etc), just generally have no other friends (had a lot of guys say this to me, hence they stay with a partner) and various other reasons for being in a relationship. With social media, there is a lot of 'pretence' too / keeping up appearances for the sake of appearing taken. I'm not saying they don't deserve to be partnered, I'm just saying this is not what I consider 'the best'.

I know plenty of single gay men who have friends, stable attachment style, good career (therefore not co-dependant for financial reasons) etc and are nowhere near having a relationship or struggle to find another stable person to match this. I of course know single gay men who are toxic too, so I'm not saying the status of someone makes their personality one way or another.

Therefore I wonder if the 'best are taken' is actually true and/or the 'best' here is not what I think it means? I actually sometimes wonder if 'working on yourself' or the like actually reduces your chances of finding someone because the pool left is so small to choose from?