I had a friend. She was my only female friend really. But she wasn't a very good friend. She felt like she was friend in name only. She did do somethings to hang out but in the end, it felt like she would rather be with someone else when I think about it in hinesite. She would go on "solo" trips to places like Vegas and Washington, I ask if she would be down for a trip in the future and she would say maybe and be real quiet on me.

I am feel vulnerable so I will get to the point. Last Valentine's day I left her a buddy Valentine and she told me she had a boyfriend now.

It crushed me. I knew we were t ever going to be together, but it felt like this entire time she wasn't telling me anything or lying to me about it all. And my friendship was out of pity.

It was like my mom all over again who would go on "business trips" and I would have to stay at moms friends house while she enjoys a trip to Hawaii with some asshole she was dating at the time.

I felt that all over again.

This was the stem of my trust issues. I am mad at my friend. I don't trust her at all anymore and I think she is happy I am not talking to her any more. I think she is happy I'm not her "problem" anymore. That's all I am to women I feel like, a problem. I talk to my therapist and told him my fear of how I am getting too bitter and becoming a misogynist.

In the end, I feel no matter how much I succeed, I'm looked down on regardless.