24 M apologies for venting. I’ve struggled with dating and women my entire life. I’m not a virgin but have only had a handful sexual experiences in hookups via reddit and most recently OLD. In hindsight none of these experiences have gone well. All this aside I somehow I managed to get two OLD dates back to back last week.

One was with a girl from a university I’m about to attend for grad school and the other was a 2nd date with a very beautiful smart young woman. The first girl was very open and horny over text and our date led to her inviting me up to her apartment. We end up having some fun and I felt good letting loose after over a year of having no intimacy with a woman. It was a bit awkward because we were both inexperienced and she even a virgin. I tried to be as communicative as possible but she would often reply with “idk” and it kind of threw me for a loop. I got her off but she was not very receptive of getting me off which was admittedly frustrating. We made plans to meet again at her place and to escalate our fun further but somewhere along the way I think she felt guilty about moving too fast. She became very needy over text and even started making demands to me about getting serious before having any more fun. I realized I did not want to pursue anything serious with her and ended it.

The 2nd date I think I genuinely like and want to pursue something real with, but we have not been flirty or intimate on either of our dates. She’s also seems pretty disinterested over text and I admittedly double texted her to ask her on a second date. The dates were fun but it bums me out realizing it’s probably not going to go anywhere with her. Getting matches and then dates are really rare for me so I feel like I’m probably heading to turning 25 without having a relationship or any sex for that matter.

I’ve been obsessing over my lack of experience and not having sex, and I often waste hours on dating apps, dating forums, doomscrolling, etc. Any time I try to talk to my family, or my counselor for that matter, about this they sweep it under the rug or just tell me “you’re doing fine” or “there’s no rush.” I feel so emasculated and down all the time. Sometimes I don’t feel like a human being.