I applied to a job at 5pm. Soon after, I receive an automated text message inviting me to the "next step in the recruitment process." Then again at 7pm and again at 7am.

At 8am I receive and email that they are pursuing other candidates.

I have been trying to stumble through getting my bearings back since. I emailed, then unemailed the hiring manager. I reworded something then sent that.... I wish I had more time to sit with my feelings, but I also feel like I have to get in on it early and not miss my chance.

I am feeling so invalidated and also uncertain about what's happening - two fairly big triggers of mine.

I'm impulsive but second guessing myself, my adhd is worse than usual, I'm anxiously demotivated. My eyes are getting sensitive to light. I can't prioritize anything and figure out what to try to focus on - the job application process, my feelings, my current tasks, past performance, or a distraction?

I can't talk to my therapist until Thursday. I'm getting so tired. I at least spoke with a counselor at my work - she gave me 20 minutes on the phone because she didn't have time for an appointment and that made me feel better and clarified some things. I've reached out to a few coworkers about it and then an lgbt support group. But none of that has helped much.

Can I find someone else to be my liason to this job recruitment? Like it'll come off as a fancy secretary. lol When I used to get triggered in doing my taxes, I just found someone to do my taxes. Tell me what you need, give me no details, and tell me the bottom line. lol That's what I need in this process......