disclaimer- I’m not anti-vax

I’m 21F, pretty much healthy besides I just got diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, although I don’t show any symptoms yet. I’m not in any rush to get the vaccine, but i am trying to weigh my options right now in advance. I have very severe health anxiety to the point where I’m on antidepressants rn to help with my thoughts.

Basically right now I’m scared to get Covid, but also scared to get the vaccine. So I’m trying to weigh which anxiety sucks more. Part of me is scared to catch Covid because of the long term effects of Covid... and the other part of me is scared to put a vaccine in my body that could possibly trigger an autoimmune flare up or who knows what. I feel like I would feel guilty if I got the vaccine and then something bad happened to me. I would feel bad if it was my fault that I chose to get it.

Part of me wants to overcome my anxiety and try to think rationally and trust doctors by getting the vaccine. But another part of me keeps thinking about all the “what if’s”. I know for sure that if I did get the vaccine I would probably have a panic attack and be hyper vigilant and would scan my body for symptoms every second.

Another factor that goes into this is that my mom is part of the Qanon community sigh so she keeps telling me not to get the vaccine because it’s going to make me sterile or kill me. It’s so exhausting hearing her spew these irrational things at me when I’m already trying to overcome my anxiety. I have so many people telling me what to do and I want to just make the right decision for myself.

I wanted to post this on this sub because I know a lot of you are probably feeling the same way. Only people who have health anxiety really truly understand the thought process we have. It’s so exhausting being in a mental battle with yourself everyday. I also know a lot of you have gotten the vaccine already so any reassurance would be appreciated.

TLDR; I’m scared to get the Covid vaccine because I have Hashimotos, health anxiety, and my mom is a Qanon believer who keeps telling me the vaccine will kill me.