I was lucky to be born in a first world country. I know many people say that, but in my case me being born at all was highly unlikely. My parents had fertility issues, had been trying for years with medical assistance, and had previously experienced a still birth. 6-weeks premature, mu mother was flown 250km when she went into labour to a more advanced hospital location because of my expected poor-conditions at birth. I know that I was small and required an incubator for the first several weeks of life. My mother had been cleared to return home well before I was ready to go with them. I am told at one point I did pass, but was resuscitated thanks to medical technologies of the times (1980s). If I had been born in a different country, or if my parents had lived in a country without as advanced health-care as they had, I likely would not exist. The fact I exist and the country I'm allowed to exist in is a first world country as well, is rare. It's as rare as winning the lottery I'd bet, but I'm not a mathematician.

I've made it through life, barely. I was constantly sick, looked pale, thin, and fragile, and generally scraped by. I had development issues with small muscles, impairing my writing and requiring years of therapy to improve to a legible level (it still looks like chicken-scratch). I required special orthopedic shoes to help correct my posture due to extremely flat-feet. My legs, hips, and back always hurt, and I complained regularly of pain. Nothing was ever discovered and I just learned to tolerate it.

From teenager until middle-aged, I lived a normal life as best I could. Several extreme high points and low points, including losing everything I have ever owned or cared about, twice. My life could be compare to anyone else's life I'd say. We've all had to survive a lot through the decades. I remember training for bombing procedures in primary school. The battles for feminism and against racism. The advances weve made in science!!! Things are crazy amazing in my life time. I've seen so much, and we've come so far as a people. As humanity. I've lived with people from around their world, had discussions to learn their perspectives, shared parts of our cultures with each other, and tried to grow personally in the same ways I hoped all of society would.

Then the pandemic hit. Division became rampant. Groups become more radicallized. The world changed. It was hell. Whatever your beliefs on the politics that occurred, I'm sure we can agree that the degree of separation between the left and right seems greater now than any time previously for most places in the world.

I still live in a first world country. I'm very lucky to be here I'm told. But I'm not well. I suffer everyday. In my 20s I was diagnosed with hoshimotos. I didn't really understand it other than it ran in my family and was common. My levels were adjusted with medication, and I did feel improvement, but I never felt good. I struggled with anxiety and depression.

During the pandemic, I was tested for celiacs disease by a new doctor with a fresh set of eyes. I had it. It took about 6 months for me to take it seriously, 6 months of eating clean to see some major improvements, then 2 years at a plateau of feeling like absolute shit, but better than before you did before the diagnosis, especially with thinking more clearly. Unfortunately, the constraints of the pandemic often meant having to choose between eating what my body needs me to, and eating things I shouldn't. When I eat things I shouldn't, it ends up causing additional damage to my body, which is already badly damaged from years of eating poorly because it was undiagnosed. The damage may be permanent, or I could heal, but the later in life the diagnosis, the less likely you are to heal well from it. Immediately afterwards, I would regret it badly, usually involving getting sick and not being able to eat for a few days. I've become much more strict to avoid it, but wIth the cost of living increases, I couldn't afford to be alive anymore. I was eating nothing but oatmeal most of the time in the end because I was falling apart and just needed to feel full but not be sick. I'm not the only person I know who had to live like this (they still have to, to be honest). I asked to see a nutritionist for help planning a diet which is covered by our health-care system. It's been years and I'm still on the waiting list.

I had to abandon everything I own where I was living, move across the country with nothing, and live completely dependent on the kindness of friends who agreed to help me. I try to help them out around here, but I'm definitely on the more equitable side of this, and I'm extremely grateful to them. So many others also helped me make it here as well, and I truly am grateful.

My country has social programs to offer support. I persued all of them prior to needing to leave. None of them would help me for more until more than a month after I was in danger of living on the street. The waiting list for housing assistance in my city was over 2 years long. Despite having contributed to the system my entire life, the truth is I wouldn't have survived the first few months of 2023 without the support of so many good people. Friends, coworkers, strangers, and more. People of different political beliefs, backgrounds, religious beliefs, financial status, and so on. Hundreds of different people helped me in so many ways including emotional, physical, and financial support. A loaned vehicle, food and prepared meals, help during moments where I mentally was not my finest, and some of the kindest moments I've ever experienced in my life. Thank you to everyone so much! ❤️

What upsets me is the fact that my country is ok with me, and many others like me, having to exist strictly due to the kindness and support of others rather than the systems we designed that are supposed to do exactly things like this. Why did it take 40 years to finally check me for something like celiacs ( for context, I had many common warning signs for the disease and lack of awarness by doctors who saw me is all I can point to) to be diagnosed? I shouldn't exist but do due to the quality of our health care system years ago. Yet it failed me the rest of my life, leading to extreme damage to me, and left me nearly completely dependent on others. For context, a blood test identified I likely had celiacs disease, and a scope proved it. Simple and common procedures with literally life-changing results in a case like mine.

Why is our health-care not better than this? We can send cars to space, billionaires can cure Polio in an entire continent or control our governments and media, the advances in science and technology, etc. It's insane. But finding safe food, affording medication I depend on to live, affording medication that helps me with quality of life things like pain, and the energy it takes to get through most days...it's just too much.

Why aren't we better than this? I've seen the people of my country. They are ashamed that so many of us are going through things like this. So many of us are. Many people helped me directly during this. Why isn't the government, the rules and systems that we as a people created to protect us from things like a global pandemic or an economic crash, better supporting all their people better?

I'm disappointed. /rant