The r/Halo user woke up groggy next to his 6 pack of empty Mountain Dew cans. He lifted his 400 pound frame off his bed wondering how many Halo 5 players on Xbox Live he’d harass today when just then he remembered: today was the day. Today was the day he would finally get a chance to debate Advanced Movement and 343 industries design choices. Excitedly, he got on his disability scooter and then into his 2007 Toyota Corolla. He drove to the Gamestop, scoffing every time he saw anyone interested in any rotten piece of garbage by 343 industries. He got his fedora out before he got in, parking in between two disability slots. When he entered, he got his camera ready, and going up to the third floor he thought “Reddit, the last enlightened place on Earth, will finally give me the attention I deserve and recognize me for my intelligence.” He entered the store and into the room where a child was getting his birthday present: an Xbox one with Halo 5; Guardians. With their parent, the child stood politely in line while trying to ignore his horrible stench. “This is it,” he thought, “this is where I own those 343 shills and achieve victory for Halo 2 and Bungie.” He boldly walked right next to this child’s side and just as the dad said “he can’t wait to open his birthday present,” he bravely rebutted with “you’re making a mistake. Your Locke won’t save you this time. Cortana is the villain this time.” The kid looked on him in shock. Opening his mouth, he said “yet another victory for classic Halo,” looking at this parent and child who were stricken with faces of horror. “I’m sure they’ve finally realized their game is dead.” He opened Reddit, excited by the prospect of the karma he was going to get by posting the video he took on r/Halo.