For starters, I know exactly how this sounds. I used to be on your side of the screen reading these ads, silently judging those who looked outside their marriage rather than communicating their needs openly or, if that failed, making the difficult decision to leave. I believed that when things went wrong, you either fixed them or make the difficult decision to walk away. But over time, I’ve realized that life is much more complex than just right and wrong. Relationships aren’t black and white, and sometimes the things you need most become the hardest to find in the place you once thought was a safe haven. After five years of this, I feel like I now understand the intense emotions that drives good, ethical, caring people to look elsewhere for what’s missing at home. As the saying goes, "even a small little annoying pebble in your shoe can bruise and bloody your feet if you walk far enough".

I’m a married man in my early 30s, seeking connection with someone (married or not) who understands what living in this space feels like. Maybe you’ve tried everything to reignite that spark at home, but it just isn’t enough. Maybe you’ve had the difficult conversations, but the gaps remain. Maybe you've realized that love, empathy and open communication can only get people so far when one partner refuses (or can't) budge.

I’m not interested in a careless affair that risks everything or an all-consuming secret romance. I'm not looking for someone to be my soft landing out of my marriage nor am I looking to be someone's soft landing out of theirs. Rather, I'm hoping to find a discreet, honest, and respectful friendship with clear boundaries and expectations where we can both find mutual satisfaction for physical needs, while protecting the otherwise great life we've built (both our own and each other's).

So if you're someone who has lived (or is currently living) through something similar or if you're single and just looking for something simple, judgement free-- please reach out. I'm good with whichever communication platform you feel safest using. Snap/Signal would probably be best but I'm open to alternatives.