I got high last night and it was one of those times where you just look at everything from a totally different perspective than you do when you’re sober, and you realize a lot of shit.

Well, I realized how stupid I am. How stupid I was for being promiscuous, and rarely using protection. I am a complete fool. It makes me sick because I never used to be like this. I was the virgin kid in high school that grew up in a religious family; sex scared the shit out of me. Then I dated a smoking hot girl in my late teens/early 20’s for 4 years, and we fucked like porn stars. We were pros. We were both young and we both knew we were hot. It was incredible.

Then, we broke up, and I went on this rampage searching for a similar experience with somebody else. I was clearly addicted to that kind of sex. I never found it, so I jumped from person to person to person looking for it. I didn’t realize until now that the reason I couldn’t find it was because I wasn’t giving any of these women a chance to connect with me on a deeper level and build intimacy. Other men envied me for how easy I could get with attractive women. They wish they had the opportunities I had, only they wouldn’t fuck it up by pursuing meaningless casually sex. Instead, I used my gift in the worst way possible, and now it’s too late. I’m stuck with this shit forever. I feel like a shadow of my old self. Wtf happened to me man. I wish I never met my ex. Although I take full responsibility for my actions, I can’t help but think how things would have went if I didn’t date her. She created a monster.