ETA: For context, I am mid 30s, and this is the second person I have ever been in a relationship with in my life. We've been dating 3 months. I am also feeling a little more clarity and much calmer after reading your kind replies. I didn't think of the SA as such when it happened, just as him ignoring my boundaries, which I've repeatedly experienced trying to date after divorcing from a long marriage, so it didn't seem that strange to me.

OP: Hi everyone, please don't judge too harshly. I had a positive HPV test with a papsmear earlier this year at the end of a rather traumatic and abusive situationship. I was a mess for months after and couldn't even work.

I wasn't given the vaccine when young, I lived overseas most of my adult life, and literally had never heard of HPV.

I was 100% under the impression that HPV only effects people with cervixes, as this was the context it was presented within. I was more concerned about looking up LEEP as the doctor found CIN II cells and was recommending that. I have severe needle phobia and was really focused on the procedure itself...

The little I did read about HPV only mentioned it as something affecting women. My doctor did not recommend telling past, present, or future partners. And she didn't inform me men could be affected. I think she or my reading informed me almost everyone has it and men don't even get tested. She told me it wasn't one of the more concerning strains.

So, going into a new relationship after months and months of therapy, when we did eventually discussed STIs (which was already after he had kissed me long and deep without asking on date one, and on date two pushed for genital to genital touching against my wishes - he forcibly pulled my shorts down - then pretty pushily had us had sex, even after I said No), HPV itself wasn't on my mind. I had a new standard STI screening done (which of course doesn't include HPV) and all were negative, so I said I didn't have any STIs. He, BTW, didn't have any past STI testing available to speak to...

I requested that he get updated STI testing and he said he would, but never did (even after a month of me asking).

I did have the LEEP while dating him and very openly told him that it was to remove pre-cancerous cells on the cervix. About a month later my bf brought it up (very pointedly) and asked what caused the cells. I had to look it up in my medical portal at that point and told him HPV. Which he started Googling and got mad at me.

He said he felt betrayed. He asked why I didn't say I had HPV, and I tried to explain I didn't think it impacted men, just caused cervical cancer. For God's sake, I didn't even remember the acronym!

I absolutely was under/mis-informed but just coming out of a highly traumatic relationship and having to face my worst fear (needles) to get rid of a potential future cancer when I learned about the thing.

I became informed as I was talking with him that evening and he was Googling that it can actually impact men. And even cause cancer in other areas of the body (in men and women)!

So...now I feel like shit for not being fully informed. My bf is ignoring me since he walked out that evening and won't respond to the single request for a conversation that I sent.

And I'm at a loss of if I can even make it right from his perspective - I just really didn't understand anything and made the decision that aligned with my understanding at the time.

Edited for clarity: Knowing that HPV can cause cancer, I'll plan to disclose to any future partner and ask their vaccination status, etc. prior to intimacy.

I feel so crappy. And I want to support him and have his support, too.

Again, please be gentle with me, I feel like an idiot for not knowing.