I’ve just turned 30 and I’m still struggling with this sometimes, it’s not even about being attracted to men anymore, it’s just sabotaging my attraction to women which I don’t know why I do it, I think really deep and hyperfixate on the facial differences of men and women and now, their faces seem the same, both men and women look like they have the same high cheekbones, what is it in their face that makes a woman a woman? I feel like I am straight deep down but I’ve been called gay a lot in the past, I just can’t see why I’d get in the way of my attraction to what I like/desire.

It’s like I’ve even managed to overthink my way out of finding a woman’s body attractive even though when I go back to porn I’m still aroused, and most people say with porn, it’s about the fix that you want, not the content so does that mean I don’t like the look of a woman? I mean I can’t really get aroused to gay porn so the content must be of some importance and signal your attraction at least a little bit right?

I don’t know who I am really, sick of going around in circles and being in doubt, i must be self sabotaging myself because I want to be gay, to be honest it feels like I don’t want to be straight and like women but I think I know I prefer women visually, mentally I don’t know, I connect better with men but I haven’t had much experience with connecting with women, every woman I see now I try to avoid because I feel like they know I’m a porn addict and I’m a dirty lonely man child.