It feels like I feel like I’m progressing in my healing. And to be fair, I am. On my own in my own little internal world I think I am learning how to cope a lot better. But it feels like there’s not enough coping skills in the world to deal with this. We have the same fight every few weeks and I have the same breakdown.

The pain of losing them and the pain of feeling alone and different in the relationship because of our sexual differences BOTH feel unsurvivable. My partner keeps telling me I need to make up my mind. How can I decide between two of the most painful options in the world?

Thinking about not talking to them anymore, not cuddling with them…it feels like taking my oxygen away.

And then the pain of feeling like I’m not living the sexual life that I want to, the rejection, the feeling like a freak in my own relationship. That fills me with so much dread.

I imagine leaving because of these issues then I imagine absolutely hating myself for losing the person I am closest to because of my own insecurities. Our relationship feels like a constant trigger fest because of that, and part of me wants to use that to toughen up, the other part of me thinks that’s masochistic and torture.

The cycle we live on repeat is unbearable but so is losing them. I love them so fucking much. Has anyone left a codependent relationship because of these differences? Can you tell me your story? I just need to feel not alone right now.